Enjoy Or Are Addicted ToEnjoy or are addicted to, that is the question Are they the same thing or is one just a deception Are they separated by a chasm which dwarfs the Grand Canyon Or are enjoyment and addiction one and the same companion?
If you fail to distinguish one from the other Then your road ahead will be very hard, brother One is quite simple, consists of only sheer pleasure The other, well, that's much harder to measure
All the grief, the pain, the fear it's put into motion Would fill all of our planet's seas, rivers and oceans "But I enjoy them" you tell me time and again Yet all I see is you wrapped in chains
Enjoying My Fags I really do enjoy my fags I really, really do The one when I wake up in the morning and the one when I'm on the loo Each and every one has that special, divine taste Even the ones which are two hurried puffs and the rest of the fag goes to waste
The feeling as my lungs fill with noxious fumes is something I just can't describe It makes me feel so relaxed and at peace, impervious to anyone's jibe It's not that I must have a smoke, no it isn't that at all It's just that I enjoy them so much, I have myself such a ball
Whenever I ring someone up I light a cigarette as well How on earth else could you make a phone call? God, it would just be hell When driving in crazy traffic, a cigarette is a must It relaxes me so wonderfully, other drivers eat my dust
I don't get withdrawal pangs, no I smoke because I choose And why shouldn't I continue, what have I got to lose? Sure, they cost a bit of cash but they are worth every cent They give to me so much, I'd hate it if they went
It's said they're bad for your health, who cares about that anyway? Lungs? I don't need to breathe but cigarettes I must have everyday I'm sure that I've convinced you that fags are wonderful things In fact I'm lighting one now that must be the phone which rings
Exercise in FutilityCan you think of anything more futile Than desperately puffing on a cigarette The fear that you hope to relieve still stays It's not something that you will forget
Sure, it may die down a little As you madly puff away But never, ever disappear completely It's here with you to stay
You can smoke one after the other Trying to suppress that nagging doubt But you may as well be Lady Macbeth Who said ?Out damn spot, be out?
Fears cannot be pandered to They'll crush you in many ways It's best to take a big, deep breath And fight your way through the blaze
I am sure you remember in the past Something you thought you'd never be able to do Maybe someone supported, helped and coaxed you And you triumphantly saw it through
This time the fear is of not doing something It's a little bit upside down Admittedly, that makes it trickier But there's always a work around
Fiddle FaddleSomething which seems clamorous and compelling Crucial and critical it seems to be yelling Important, indispensable, an absolute must Really, can you explain to me what is all the fuss?
That feeling which claims you must light up a smoke On what authority does it say you are yoked? Who said you must always bow to its wishes? Who said you have to listen to something so vicious?
Go Easy On YourselfSmokers are the lowest, the lowest of the low Or maybe not, that is a rather vicious blow Maybe they've just been tricked and trapped By greedy sellers of disgusting crap
Trapped so well by their very own mind That turns a part of them completely blind To what a cigarette actually is A stick of nothing that should not be missed
But they miss it with all of their heart This stick of nothing holding a poisoned dart That will pierce their very own precious lungs This stick of nothing to which they have clung
Smokers aren't weak, smokers aren't evil Smokers are not annoying little weevils No, I think that what you will find Is that smokers are just completely blind
How Dare YouOfficer, who is this you have brought before me today Your worship, it is a prisoner who tried to get away Oh indeed, and what did this villainous rascal do? He skipped the cigarette he normally has on the hour of two
This is absolutely preposterous, it could start a dangerous precedent Why, he could then refuse the four and the six and cause a dangerous accident How dare you think that you can skip a cigarette any time you please Don't you realise that forever and ever, even after you acquire a wheeze
You must smoke them on and on, never missing a single fag You must inhale them deeper and deeper, ever so deeper the drag So deep infact, that the fumes will reach right down to your toes We always know if you try to cheat, believe me, 'cos it shows
How Hard Is It?How hard is it to in a bikini Mt Everest climb? It's not as hard as quitting smoking How hard is it to find a word that with orange does rhyme? It's not as hard as quitting smoking
How hard is it to fly freely like a bird cross the sky It's not as hard as quitting smoking How hard is it to never, ever die It's not as hard as quitting smoking
How hard is it to swim up Niagara Falls It's not as hard as quitting smoking How hard is it to juggle ten thousand balls It's not as hard as quitting smoking
How hard is it to read every book that's been written It's not as hard as quitting smoking How hard is it to give birth to a kitten It's not as hard as quitting smoking
How hard is it to eat a rhino for tea It's not as hard as quitting smoking How easy is it to take a walk by the sea? It's as easy as quitting smoking
How To Do ItI could give a talk to you On cigarettes and how they create a mucky goo But you'd just look at me right through And keep doing what you do Keep smoking cigarettes
I could for hours pontificate Set up a brilliant, logical debate But it probably wouldn't even rate And you couldn't even wait To smoke a cigarette
But if I could turn you into an object of ridicule Make you publically a fool Harness that power as my tool The one as kids we learned in school Then you'd never smoke a cigarette
HuntedAddicts are hunted people, hunted far and wide But addicts have nowhere to run to, nowhere at all to hide Because you cannot escape your very own mind It's constantly with you all of the time
Their faces are drawn and anxious, eyes furtively peer around For the hunter continually hunting them, has he gone to ground They cannot let him catch them, otherwise they'll be doomed So quickly they consume their drug of choice, before on the horizon he's loomed
Yet he never seems to go away, always ready to hunt some more It doesn't matter how many times with their drug they score He stalks them through the hours long With stamina everlastingly strong
They're so tired, so very, very weary That it's impossible for them to think at all clearly So they just keep running like animals under the spotlight Looking over their shoulder into the light so bright
HypnotisedHave you ever seen those shows When someone is hypnotised And bites happily into an onion Right before your eyes
They munch and crunch this tasty veg Savouring the pungent taste They cannot get enough of it Nothing is left to waste
Can you imagine if on this show Someone was given a little white stick That contained dried out foul smelling leaves Which was lit just like a wick
It was suggested to them for the rest of their life These sticks they must smoke on and on Until all of the hope that they had Like their health and spirit, all gone
Would you believe it possible? Or would this be stretching credulity Far, far beyond its natural limits Into the realm of absurdity
HyponicotinaphobiaAmbulance please come quick we have a medical emergency There is a person here quite ill they need fixing with some urgency What is the problem may I ask so we can send the right supplies Nicotine levels are very low, they must be raised or this man dies
Oh my goodness, that sounds quite serious I'll send the paramedics right away Let me know if breathing stops then we may have to start to pray So what drugs are you going to bring here to fix this poor person up They are feeling very poorly, I think that they have suffered enough
Well actually no drugs can help this person it's hyponicotinaphobia that they've caught Could you repeat that please did I hear it as I ought? Yes, you heard correctly I'll translate to you from Greek A fear of low nicotine in the blood is what's making this person freak
Sure, we can elevate nic levels by pumping some more in But that will not remove the fear so it will not be such a win This hyponicotinaphobia how do we remove this fear By reading doggerel such as this is one way and it's right here
I Always Have A ReasonI always have a rational reason to light up a fag But to think up thirty reasons per day is becoming such a drag Sometimes I must start an argument to give me a half decent one So if you see me itching for a fag, you'd better start to run!
I always have a reason which seems so logical in my mind To inhale noxious fumes you need a logic of some kind The logicality of which I cannot clearly explain to you Because right at this moment I have many other things to do
But if you come back next week, I'll help you understand My logic, why I smoke them, it's not that I'm under their command Come back next week and I'll put my reasons on the table And you'll understand my logic, you'll be so much more than able
To comprehend so clearly the benefits smoking gives to me Come back next week, and I'll explain it clear as clear can be My logic will astound you, it'll impress you very much The logicality of my logic, it's a logic that can't be touched!
I Am Not An AddictI am not an addict, I am not deceived I do not hold any kind of belief That a fag or a liquid or a pill or a potion Are worthy from me of unquestioning devotion
I do not become anxious and rather jumpy The ride for me is smooth, not jarring and bumpy I do not believe that I must inhale deeply the fumes Of a cigarette, I have never assumed
That they are of some benefit, that they give me strength And I certainly would not go to the extraordinary lengths Which addicts think quite normal, to get their urgent fix Reality and fantasy are two things I never mix
To believe that mere cigarettes should rule me with absolute power Is a belief so absurd, it leaves me with a taste most sour I see them as they truly are, disgusting, foul, smelly sticks My mind, thank goodness, has never in this way been tricked
I Bow Before YouOh wondrous cigarette of many different brands How many you have helped across our widespread lands I bow before you, Almighty God Not for a second do I think you are a fraud
Exalted Cigarette who has lovingly bestowed Your might and strength, which have generously towed All of your worshippers through their obstacle filled days Yes, you have helped them graciously in so many, many ways
I put my humble self completely at your mercy To think you have no power would be a complete heresy Your guidance and help are absolutely essential Whatever your philosophy, even if existential
I bow before you, completely prostrate I submit myself wholly, my passion never to abate With religious fervour of the highest scale Without your comforting presence, I'll emit a high-pitched wail
I Don't Need ThemToday I have decided not to smoke for evermore I've come to the conclusion that they really are a bore And I think I realise now where I was always going wrong My mantra of "I don't need them" is not what I should sing along
Because no-one on this earth needs a cigarette to smoke Cigarettes do not fix a thing at all that might have gotten broke They merely break it further till it's dejected and all clapped out "I don't need them" is not at all what it's about
"They have nothing of value" is much closer to being true Nicotine is a substance my body just doesn't do My mind is all confused and thinks my body craves for it But my body does not like it, not one single little bit
So when I stop today, I will say clearly to myself That nicotine is something which is best left on the shelf It has nothing whatsoever to give me, in any possible way Nicotine's a poison, which is best thrown far away
I Don't ResentI don't resent at all the money on fags which I spend I'm more than happy to keep smoking until the bitter end It doesn't bother me at all that my lungs are being clogged The reason I don't worry may be that I'm in rather a fog
Because if I saw things in a manner untwisted Through clear sighted glasses that were completely unmisted I'd realise most vividly that I was being taken for a ride A ride that was always ever on a downwardly slide
Not to resent spending money to inhale noxious fumes Is not a good thing at all, it spells out d-o-o-m doom I should feel very resentful, infact hopping mad The fact that I don't is really quite sad
Special PermitJemima, I was extremely annoyed just the other day I went to the Department of Licences in Elsincourt Way And waited a full hour in a very long queue And do you know what they told me to do?
They told me that Special Permits can only be obtained From The Department of Special Permits in Buckingham Lane Way, way over on the other side of town They shut at three thirty, I'd have to hurry on down
Well, I waited in a queue even longer over there And when I got to the counter, I gave the clerk such a glare I explained that I needed the Special Permit to stop smoking And she looked up at me as if I were joking
She told me that they were not needed any more That I could stop smoking anytime, of that she was sure It was stated quite plainly in Section III Paragraph IV Of the "Stop Smoking Anytime You Like" Statutory Law
I Smoke Because I Choose ToI smoke because I choose to, no need to analyse more deeply I smoke because I choose to, even though they don't come cheaply I smoke because I choose to, sometimes I have to stand there in the rain I smoke because I choose to, no need for me to complain
I smoke because I choose to, something which I so enjoy I smoke because I choose to, been doin' it since I was a boy I smoke because I choose to, I choose to every single day I smoke because I choose to, I can't see it any other way
I smoke because I choose to, why would you question me I smoke because I choose to, why can't you let it be I smoke because I choose to, it's the choice that I have made I smoke because I choose to, a poison of the finest grade
I smoke because I choose to, it's obviously my choice I smoke because I choose to, I don't hear a little voice I smoke because I choose to, it isn't fear which drives me I smoke because I choose to, I choose to suck those noxious fumes inside me
I Want To SmokeI want to smoke, just like them, well not quite 'Cos not all of the day and not all of the night I want to smoke, but addiction, what's that all about? I'll smoke, thank you, but leave the addiction bit out
I want to smoke just for the heck of it As long, of course, as my life I don't make a wreck of it I want to smoke, I'm assuming there's some benefit Otherwise people would stop, they'd simply just quit
I want to smoke, I think it's daring and wild It's not about fear, like the fears we have as a child I want to smoke, I think it's grown up and cool And I can't understand why people say I'm a fool
I Will Help YouI am Mr Poison, I am here to help you With everything you say and everything you do Just reach out your hand and I will firmly clasp it I'll help you anyway I can, all you have to do is ask it
If you feel you're slipping, just grip me ever more tightly Don't worry that every day, I'm making you more unsightly Because I am here to help you, something you must never forget I am here to help you, you are forever in my debt
You could not survive, without all the help I give Your life would be a life that could not at all be lived So firmly grasp this hand that I hold out to you I won't pull you down, that's something I would never do
I'm Not Really A SmokerI'm not really a smoker, though I smoke day and night I'm not like those others, I can easily take flight I'm very different and the reasons I smoke Are not like those others, they're quite a joke
I need to smoke because my job's very trying I need to smoke 'cos my customers ain't buying I've got my reasons and my reasons are sound I need to smoke, yes my reasons abound
You'd smoke too if you suffered like me You'd die for a fag, you'd get very cranky Although maybe you wouldn't if you realised quite clearly That fags give you nothing, just make you pay very dearly
I'm Sick Of ItI'm sick, sick, sick of cigarette addiction I'm sick of movies and their dishonest depiction That smoking is glamorous, sophisticated and cool When what it really is is something that rules
The cigarette addict from morning to night And all the hours in between, they can never take flight From the constant nagging fear that they must inhale the fumes Of a deadly poison that will lead them to their doom
A cigarette addict can barely do a thing Without a cigarette, it's got them on a string They have to smoke it now, it just cannot wait And then, another and another, they've really taken the bait
A cigarette addict is as helpless as a lamb On a frosty hillside with no mother to keep it warm Their mind is so confused that they actually believe A cigarette is their saviour, they are so deceived
If You BelieveIf you believe that black is white Do you know that you'd never be right If you believe that short is long Do you know that you'd always be wrong
If you believe that left is right You might give yourself a great big fright If you believe that front is back You might give yourself a heart attack
If you believe that in is in fact out You'd spend all your life living in doubt If you believe that up is really down You'd probably wear a puzzled frown
If you believe with all of your heart That there is only one way you could possibly start The day, with a lungful of tobacco smoke Do you know you'd be part of a very sad joke?
Image In The MirrorA smoker wants some sympathy He wants you to understand The terrible anxious feeling he has When he's under the cigarette's command
But he also wants you to believe That he is in total control That he smokes because he enjoys it This image is also his goal
No wonder he cannot break from this dreadful affliction He doesn't know what's fact and what is fiction Well, just to make things a little clearer When you look right in the mirror
The image of you being in control Is wrong, you're just a poor lost soul Once this truth you fully accept Escaping addiction, you'll be much more adept
In Any Way At AllIf smoking was beneficial in any way at all Then I would say go out and have yourself a ball Those years of life cut short wouldn't matter a single whit I'd say go out and enjoy every single drag of it
Those filthy ashtrays, that stale smoke smell The fact that it doesn't make you feel so well If you were being repaid in a handsome way I'd say go out and do it day after day
The sheer cost of it, please don't do the sums It'd be worth every penny, if it really made you hum But it just turns you into an abject slave Someone who always has a constant crave
A craving that always needs a feed From a bitter obnoxious noxious weed And that is why I say to you today Please can you give those fags away
InstinctsWe are born with instincts which keep us alive These instincts we have are what help us survive If we feel cold we'll sit by the fire If our mouth's dry and parched, water's what we desire
If we start yawning then we'll toddle off to bed If our stomach start's rumbling we'll try to get fed If the sun beats down fiercely, then we'll hunt for some shade These instincts we have are with what we are made
But what if we had an instinct which was instinctively wrong We had an instinct which did not help us along An instinct that told us the wrong thing to do An instinct which gave us a mistaken cue
We followed this instinct by night and by day Although it turned our skin a tinge of yellowy grey We smoked packet after packet after packet after packet Although from our lungs emerged a cacophonous racket
It's All In Your MindIt's all in your mind, well of course it must be It's not in your elbows, little toe or left knee It's not in the hair that sprouts from the mole on your nose And it's not in the place that smells like a rose
It's all in your mind, stuck fair and square in the middle To oust it from this position, now that's quite a riddle Because it's stuck in there with super glue, a great big dollop To pull it out requires a bit of a wallop
But it can be done, yes it can, though not with brute force Gently and carefully is always the best course The glue should be melted to a moderate degree And that thing will release and you will be free
Let GoYour hands gripped onto the metal bar so tight Squeezing hard with all of your might Clutching desperately this heavy bar of lead While trying to keep above water your sinking head
I try to prise free your frantic grasp But this piece of steel you will not unclasp Your fingers stubbornly refuse to yield No matter how much power I try to wield
Please let go of this bar that is dragging you down Please let go, it is making you splutter and drown Please let go, then you will swim so freely Please let go, you will glide through the water so easily
LimericksThere was a young lady from Gloucester Who took up smoking But it cost her An arm and a leg and a pain in the head That foolish young lady from Gloucester
There was a young man from wherever Who took up smoking to be clever He thought he could quit When he grew tired of it But looks like he'll be smoking forever
There was a young girl from Warilla Who wanted to do something which thrilled ?er So she lit up a smoke, but started to choke So she persisted But then it killed ?er
There was a young lady from London Who didn't want to end up in a dungeon So she never lit up a fag Never took even one drag And now her lungs very well they do function
There was a young man from New York Who ate cigarettes up with a fork You may say how absurd He may as well eat up turds But he thought they tasted as nice as roast pork
There was a young man from Crow's Nest Who listened to others as to what was best They told him to smoke So he did, poor bloke Now he must continue without any rest
There was an old man from Land's End Who frequently coughed up phlegm They asked him as to why And this was his reply I smoke, have you got me one I could lend
There once was a lady from Hertfordshire Who didn't think it was at all queer To inhale noxious fumes Could not see the doom Now she's dead and buried, I fear
There once was a man from Shellharbour Who decided to to visit his barber His barber told him with disdain You smell like a leaky old drain Your not smoking is something I'd rather
There was an old man from Alabama Who spent 55 years in the slammer His prison was of a kind That he created in his mind The prison of addiction, it's really a whammer
There was a young lady from Dublin Who had a question her mind it was troublin' Are there some perks Or any kind of lurks In smoking, the answer: There's nuffin'
There was a young man with great lungs Whose health good fortune had brung But he made a mistake Started smoking, at eight Now to the oxygen tube he has clung
There was a company called Benson & Hedges Who desired a high profit in all of their ledgers So they sold in packets of gold A poison which killed, they were so cold Those people of Benson & Hedges
Mental As AnythingSmoking, we are indoctrinated Time and time again Is glamorous, relaxing, enjoyable Basically man's best friend
But what is not even whispered about The truth of which has never come out Is that nearly all the patients of the mental hospital Smoke like chimneys, it's really awful
The damage to your lungs and heart Is mentioned every day But the damage to your mind and spirit That's never put into play
And yet, it could be the worst of all It is your mind that is being mauled The constant worry of your addiction That is what is the real affliction
Most ImportantI think it's most important that smokers smoke their smokes Because I know that if they didn't, and this is not a joke The earth would stop spinning on its axis right away And the middle of the night would never become a new born day
It's absolutely crucial that a fag they diligently ingest Because I say this to you, and I do not say it in jest Otherwise their bodies would turn into lumps of clay And their freely flowing hair into bales of prickly hay
Without a cigarette, life as we know it would just end The cigarette is something, something on which you must depend To keep you breathing freely, keep a finely beating heart Without it, well, I just can't imagine the disaster that would start
A catastrophe of such magnitude, incomprehensible to the human mind And that is why smokers, those poor smokers are in such a bind Because once they start it, it's imperative that they keep on track God forbid that they should cease it, the sky would turn all black
My Cigarette, My FriendI've got a bit of sinus my throat's a little bit dry My lungs are a little bit wheezy but I'm not going to cry All my teeth have been stained yellow, my fingers and nails too Some say it's the cigarettes I smoke they say that they accrue
I think that that is an outright lie no, cigarettes do me no harm They are my very best friends, to me they have lots of charm Do you want me to explain it all the benefits that fags give to me Well, where do you want me to start? I'll tell you the lot, from A to B
Firstly, there is the advantage of having to buy them everyday It puts order in your life and makes sure that you won't stray Then, of course, each time you smoke one your withdrawal pangs disappear Not for very long, mind you but you'll have another, have no fear
Now cigarette butts, that's a tough one I can't seem to find an advantage there Maybe just the satisfaction of ridding myself of them getting those nasty things out of my hair So when they bury me in the ground and place my gravestone up above I'd like for them to put on it, I died for my cigarette friends, with love
My GrandmotherMy grandmother has been smoking since the age of thirteen Barely a decade after from her mother's breast being weaned She's still smoking keenly at the age of eighty-five "How lucky she is" you say, "That she is still alive"
That she was able to enjoy all those years of smoking All those many, many years of constantly choking On the poisonous, unpleasant fumes of the deadly cigarette How lucky she has been, she should have no regrets
Through war, through poverty, through immigrating to afar Always buying, always smoking, from not a day was she barred Every single day a life spent with cigarettes, her friend They have comforted her through all her life until the very end
My Most Important Task In LifeMy most important task in life is to always be most sure That I've got fags in my pocket else I'll be worried to my core My most important task in life takes precedence over all else Infact it's even more important than my very life itself
My most important task in life I perform with utmost dedication I cannot afford to stuff it up it is my life giving medication My most important task in life is one that I fulfil dutifully Don't tell me that I shirk it, you would hurt me very cruelly
My most important task in life gives so much meaning to my day Without it, there would be no point in going on my way My most important task in life is what I'm on this earth to do A very rewarding, satisfying feeling when I suck in all that goo
My Name Is DavidMy name is David, and I have a fear Which I'd like to explain to all of you here It's not complex at all, the epitome of simplicity To rid myself of it would give me much felicity
Although my fear is simple, not in any way complicated Do not for a second think it can be overrated It's killed many people, billions in fact Ruined their lives, yes it has really done that
I know that you're wondering what could have such power And I don't want to keep you here, hour after hour So I won't delay any longer, with more introductions I won't turn this into a major production
The fear that I have, if you'll just bear with me briefly Is of not having a cigarette, that's what it is, chiefly Could not live my life without its magical presence Which is very strange, since it's really a menace
Myths And MisconceptionsThe tooth fairy's not real, nor is the Easter Bunny It's your Mummy and Daddy who cough up the money And Santa Claus with his red coat and sackful of gifts He's just a fable, a fabrication, a myth
Now take the cigarette monster, huge and alarming Many believe him to be, but he's actually quite charming Once you get to know him, behind his fierce, brutish features He's really the most amiable of creatures
But there are many who believe with an unswaying fervour If you don't smoke a cigarette, he will commit murder So they keep smoking constantly all through each and every day And sadly don't realise that he just wants to play
Never Ending TimeTime never ends, as far as we know It goes on forever, like the wind which blows Neverending time, passed without cigarettes An impossibility, because I'll never forget
That I always need them, why, I'm not quite sure But I will always remember their wonderful allure Hours spent, days spent, months and years Without a cigarette, would be my greatest fear
I cannot even contemplate a smoke free existence Cannot even go there, not even in the distance Because I cling so very tightly to them, hold them to my chest To not have them in my presence, I would feel undressed
An eternity without them, my definition of hell Because I constantly am hearing an insistent little bell Which keeps on telling me time after time Drag on a cigarette, you don't need reason or rhyme
Just keep doing it and doing it and doing it again Keep drawing up those noxious fumes until the very end Keep filling all those ashtrays with disgusting little butts An eternity of smoking, from ashes to the dust
No LawNo-one's passed a law which said You must have a fag when you arise from bed No-one's made an inviolate rule A fag must be smoked when you get out of school
You won't be given an enormous fine If you don't smoke, it's not a crime Your parents won't give you extra chores If those smelly fags, you completely ignore
A doctor will never give advice To smoke a fag, they're rather nice Apon the cross you won't be nailed If those gaspers you don't inhale
I'm trying to think of a possible downfall If those cigarettes aren't smoked at all But I fail to think of a single one I cannot believe they are such fun
Not A ProblemSure, I smoke, but it's not a problem There is no problem I see It's social, it's enjoyable, it's relaxing What possible problem could there be?
Why, I can fly for 23 hours Without a single puff I just like to have one with my mates I have no problem with this stuff
Tomorrow, for example I could quite happily choose Not to smoke a single cigarette at all Easy, I'm sure I wouldn't lose
I don't understand why you want me to stop There is no problem here What, do you think I'd be worried without them Do you think that I have fear?
NotificationHow are you notified everyday of your life That a cigarette must be smoked right now What kind of signal is passed to your brain Exactly what is transmitted and how?
Does a ghost appear deathly white in your vision And intone a sepulchral chant? Or does a messenger on foot arrive at your doorstep And relate the message in between pants
Does a head suddenly appear around the corner And shout out at you the word "Boo" Or does someone discreetly wink in the corner That you alone know is your cue
This message unseen by the rest of us people Is being received by you loud and clear Can this signal at all be intercepted So that it will only fall on deaf ears?
Panic AttackPanic is a feeling that we all know very well Anxiety and uneasiness are others I could tell Although they serve a purpose, we avoid them at all cost When they appear within us we'd like to tell them to get lost
But if we discover in the dead of night Our house has flames shining oh so bright It's panic that makes us run for our life We know if we stayed we'd be in big strife
Panic is a quick, instantaneous reaction We need to respond quickly to feel satisfaction But sometimes it needs to be overridden Not always should we answer to its bidding
The fear of low nicotine in the blood Is one infamous example of such a dud You feel the panic start to rise "Light up a smoke" a voice within you cries
We can let panic grow faster and faster Or we can let ourselves become its master Remember that panic will not last forever We can overcome it if we are very clever
If we ride it through calmly knowing it won't last Realise it may return but know it'll be outclassed Eventually it will accept defeat most graciously And we can live our lives ever so much more vivaciously
PerceptionIf you have a perception that is a deception Then you are under a misconception If what you see has been distorted Then you have been completely rorted
If you have a mistaken idea or a notion Then you have just swallowed a poisonous potion If what seems to be to you, is really not Then what you believe is utter rot
Sometimes the wronger the stronger is the thought The thought that really shouldn't be ought Let this thought go, don't clasp it tight And the thought that is wrong, will then become right
Play TimeChildren, please come inside, the light is going fast But Mum, we can't, there's a dragon we must get past A fire breathing monster guarding the front gate We can't fight against it, it's spewing venom and hate
Don't be silly, children, that's just your imagination This terrifying creature that has such fascination Quickly come inside, there is nothing for you to fear Come in this instant children, do you hear?
But Mum, you know that dragons really do exist What about the cigarette dragon, you have heard it hiss It has had you shaking, shaking in sheer fright You've tried to fight against it with all of your might
But you can't fight a dragon, because they are fierce and huge You can't fight a dragon, it's like fighting a deluge All you have to do is see clearly in your mind That this is a dragon of the imaginary kind
Please Give GenerouslyTobacco companies need your money, all the pennies that you earn So light those cigarettes up, suck 'em in and let 'em burn They've added additives to your smokes so they will burn more freely More likely to start a fire but they just take your money gleefully
Tobacco companies need your money, they need it, don't you care? They even go up river in Papua New Guinea, selling their death over there 'Cos they need money from all of us, aren't you going to contribute? Those smokes chew up your lungs, but the point is only moot
Tobacco companies need your money, so you better get addicted 'Cos if they don't get their money, we're gonna be evicted So light 'em up, suck 'em in, don't you ever stop 'Cos those tobacco companies need everything you've got
Pleasure and PainHave you ever lost important keys, your heart has filled with dread Or had to wear ill fitting shoes that pained you half to death But the keys you then found oh what relief, it really made your day And those nasty shoes, you took them off and whew, the pain went away
Although you found the keys with such joy you didn't think it wise To lose them once again on purpose just to realise That if you found them yet again you'd feel that joy once more You didn't put the shoes back on to happily take them off again, I'm sure
But the relief and pleasure a smoker feels when they light up a smoke Is caused by the ending of unease and pain and that is what is the joke The smoker has an unconscious fear which permeates his life That his nicotine levels have gone too low and that this will give him such strife
Each time he lights a cigarette the fear vanishes for a short time He draws back deep, he sighs relief but doesn't realise his crime That the pleasure and comfort he loves to feel are caused by the ending of doubt and pain As soon as he finishes his cigarette it starts all over again
Much more time is spent in angst and pain only briefly spent in pleasure If he could remove his fear of low nicotine he could sit back and relax at leisure
Power Of The MindIs your mind a despotic tyrant? Who brutally pushes you around Does it order you to smoke cigarettes Hound you, forever hound
Does it tell you incessantly that you need them When it's patently obvious you do not Does it briefly reward you when you listen? Only rarely, just to keep you on the spot
Has your mind become a traitor? Living dangerously inside you Has it become a loose cannon? Which to you is no longer true
Priorities I've got my list of priorities fixed firmly in my mind And do you know what at the very top you'll find Way, way, way above, at least 10 miles higher than all else Is the priority of the little white stick, sitting on its very special shelf
Priority? That is the understatement of all time It's prior to priority, and prior again yet to climb It's the be all and end all, nothing else even comes close I must have my weekly, no daily, try hourly life giving dose
Because it's a priority, what more can I say A huge priority that keeps all the monsters at bay And when I say priority that's exactly what I mean Please don't tell me that it's exceedingly unclean
It doesn't matter if it kills me, doesn't matter if it costs Because it's a huge priority, without them I am lost Give me, give me, give me, those little white sticks right now They are my priority, my priority you stupid cow!!!
Prisons in the AirWe have all heard of castles in the air Noone's mentioned prisons, I really don't think that is fair Because prisons are much more common, lurking in our minds We create bars of steel and walls of every kind
Sometimes we try escaping, but we don't have the keys So desperately through the bars, ourselves we try to squeeze Oh that is just too difficult, don't get very far So we just decide to stay put and save ourselves the scars
It's not too bad in prison, when all is said and done If you try hard enough, you can even have some fun But I suppose it would be better, better than I could even dream If the bars that I created of steel, I could turn into icecream
Problem Solving To solve a problem you must be analytical and objective You must include every single fact and refrain from being subjective Let's look at smoking impartially and collate the various facts Nicotine is a mild stimulant I'm not talking through my hat
The drug itself does not relax infact it does the reverse How can we explain this mystery it all seems rather perverse A mild stimulant is ruling your life yes, that's right, it's not even strong It's got you at its beck and call stringing you all right along
A mild stimulant? The joke's on you and all of your friends in this farce This drug is laughing itself silly that you fell right into its path It has no power other than what you give it, it'll take whatever you've got And use it against you mercilessly, it does that quite a lot
Puppet On A StringMillions of strings fill our space At the end of each one, a lonely puppet's face Arms, legs, fingers, mouths and hands Also attached, a puppet show most grand
The strings are jerked day and night So the puppets move ceaselessly, to the puppet master's delight His nimble, slick fingers control with immense skill So that the puppets think that it is their own will
Which makes them repeat actions robotically Hand to mouth, drag deeply, oh so constantly He gives the strings a yank, well-timed The puppet responds with an action well mimed
Hand to mouth, drag deeply, again and again He thinks the cigarette is his friend Although it will kill him in the end Certainly not something on which he can depend
Sandy Sandy the golden retriever, a gentle and loveable soul A long walk, a friendly pat, food in a bowl These were his normal, natural goals
He was so happy bounding along So surefoot, an expert, his balance was strong His tail a gracious proud plume, his stride free and long
Yet Sandy had a fear, which had me quite floored He wouldn't exit the car from the front passenger door Only from the driver's side, no matter how much you implored
If you tried to drag him out, be careful, he'd bite Sandy, so loving, but it was just in his fright Would do anything not to exit, try as you might
One day two little dogs accompanied him in the car Two little dogs who did not bear his scar Two little dogs whose minds did not have this bar
When the car finally stopped at its destination These two dogs were waiting in a state of excitation For the passenger door to open, to fly out without hesitation
And Sandy, a dog also, could not watch them run free Could not stay in the car, but jumped out quite gladly Out of the door that had him spooked so eerily
Dare I suggest that an analogy can be invented Between Sandy and those who from their lungs smoke is vented Something for which their lungs was never intended
Santa Claus Little kids believe in Santa Claus That doesn't give us cause to pause But some grown up adults believe with grim determination That cigarettes are their daily salvation
If you try to say that cigarette gnomes don't exist They'll just say don't you mess around with myths Don't try to question and probe at black magic The results will inevitably be tragic
What may seem illogical and highly inexplicable Is something from which it is extremely inextricable So don't try to ask for a rational explanation Just accept there is necessitation for incessant noxious inhalation
Scared StiffHave you ever been scared out of your wits and screamed and screamed and screamed For example, you thought a man was lurking in the back of car but it all turned out to be a bad dream Noone heard you screaming all alone in the dark street at night Noone responded to your call that you had received one hell of a fright
Even when you found that there was no man there you were still a little bit miffed That noone had come rushing out of their house to see if somebody needed to be biffed But some time later you could see that there was a funny side to it All that screaming, all in vain at least you safely got through it
A smoker's life is spent in fear of their nicotine level going too low The fear is real, but it is upside down of being too high is how it should go But if you can see the funny side instead of anxiety, pain and grief You might have a laugh at yourself and give those things up in relief
Scary Movie Sometimes we pay money to scare ourselves silly By watching horror movies which turn us pale as a lily We scream and we scream at the monsters of the night We shake and we shiver in absolute fright
But when we pay money to buy a packet of smokes We're not thinking of fear, that would be a joke We're thinking that now we will appear so cool We're thinking how daring to break all the rules
Fear is the furthest thought from our mind And that is why we are completely and utterly blind Because if we persist in inhaling fumes from these logs A lifetime of fear will keep us in a shadowy fog
Cigarettes are not about being so cool Cigarettes are not about breaking the rules Cigarettes are about fear that rules every moment of your life Observe closely, think carefully and you may avoid a whole lot of strife
Shaking Like A Leaf You've just found out the bad, bad news They need someone and it's you they choose To speak in public, you've never done it Now you must, you cannot shun it
The fateful moment has now arrived You walk on stage, oxygen deprived You cannot do this, but you know you must These people have put in you such trust
The paper in your hand's shaking slightly Your voice comes out a little tightly But as you speak, your fear decreases The trembling of your body ceases
The next time you are asked to do it It is as if there's nothing to it You stride on stage, a seasoned pro Receive applause and start to glow
If someone told you here today Right now those fags you must give away You'd stare out blankly, frozen stiff You'd rather jump right off a cliff
You used to be much more than able To not smoke for days, you had the label Of being one of those who did not partake You hadn't yet made your mistake
Shiftwork I know you've been wondering, it's kept you up nights Why does that voice in your head not have to take respite It never seems to draw breath, just drones on and on Always hale and hearty, never pale and wan
Well, there isn't only one voice, infact there are two One does the morning shift, the other follows through Deep into the night, while its mate takes a rest So that early next morning it will be at its best
Refreshed and alert, ready to face a brand new day For its task of one thing over and over it must say Drag on a cigarette, drag deep as you can They'll get you, this duo, that is their plan
Smoker's RapListen up people and listen to me good I got important news so I think that you should I know you was told it before but it wasn't told right Listen to me now don't put up a fight
You know smoking is bad smoking ain't good But you gotta look cool out there in the hood You gotta look cool when you're young and unsure I understand that but I understand more
You think to yourself oh hey I'm so smart I'll only do it for a while 'fore it gets to my heart I ain't so stupid as those choking old fools Why can't they just stop and follow the rules
You smoke when it's cool then you stop after that It ain't rocket science it's like cat in the hat They don't even taste nice only doin' it for the look I can stop easy won't get caught on no hook
What's the problem here why can't they just stop What's happened to their minds they always going to the shop To buy more cigarettes they always need more At least they'll have to stop when they give their final snore
It's too late to tell them then so listen to me now I can tell you what happens but I can't tell you how Lots of folk get addicted, we're talking millions here People same as you and me, year after year after year
It ain't pretty and it's not very nice So before you take that first puff please think about it twice
Social - I Don't Think So Smoking is a very social custom That's what all the smokers say Non-smokers beg to differ They see it in a different way
They just can't seem to find what's social About inhaling noxious fumes Or being in the presence of filthy ashtrays That decorate the rooms
They don't think it's all that social When their eyes sting and turn a shade of red Or when their clothes stink unpleasantly As they take them off to go to bed
If you have been a smoker But have managed to break free Become a social non-smoker It's healthy and it's free
And non-smokers will love you They'll welcome you with open arms You are the epitomy of socialness They'll think you have lots of charms
The smokers may be disconsolate That they have lost one of their own Well, that's their problem You were only there on loan
SpookedSmokers spook themselves silly Into a world both hard and chilly A world where faceless demons hang in the air A world filled with frustration and despair
So spooked are they, beyond belief That cigarettes are their god-like chief These funny little white papered logs Have them spellbound, they're all agog
To not smoke one for a single day Is a thought that would frighten them right away Out of the question, it cannot be done Because they are as spooked as a fox on the run
Sucking On A Poison Sucking on a poison Calms me down no end Sucking on a poison Something on which I can depend Sucking on a poison Feels so safe to do Sucking on a poison Perverse, but oh so true Sucking on a poison If I didn't, my panic'd soar Sucking on a poison Exactly what I'm scared of, I'm not sure Sucking on a poison Does seem a little crazy Sucking on a poison How it started's a little hazy Sucking on a poison If I didn't, I'd go mad Sucking on a poison Please don't tell me that it's bad Sucking on a poison It'll be the death of me But sucking on a poison Can't ever see me being free Sucking on a poison Do it morning, noon and night Sucking on a poison Even though I know it isn't right Sucking on a poison Costs me money too But sucking on a poison Only way that I get through Sucking on a poison I consider it a reward Sucking on a poison Even do it when I'm bored Sucking on a poison Can you feel my pain? Sucking on a poison It's such a sad refrain
Synchronicity We all of us have a mind in two parts The conscious and subconscious each with their own set of smarts The subconscious is embedded deep in our brain Sometimes it comes up with a mistaken refrain
A refrain which repeats endlessly "Drag on a smoke" "Drag on it, drag on it, even if you choke" It's quite obvious to see that the subconscious has lost the plot But what of the conscious, will it follow behind in a trot
Or will it accept that the subconscious has got it wrong And not believe that a circle could be an oblong Will the conscious steer the subconscious onto the right road Or follow it blindly, end up carrying a much heavier load
Take The Day Off I know I've been a real hard boss, for many a long year I keep you lot all under control by using elementary fear You start your work at the crack of dawn I never let up, but I note you look a little drawn
I've placed relentless pressure, I'm a tough, tough bloke The never ending cigarettes that I've ordered you to smoke Maybe I'm just growing mellow as the years go by But I thought that tomorrow, I'd give it a try
In a magnanimous gesture never seen before After you leave today, when you walk out that door Take tomorrow off, yes that's right, don't clock in What's with the sad face, I was expecting a wide grin
But hey look, if you want to clock in tomorrow You can, even if it causes you much sorrow But if you want to take the day off and be bold You can, you might even discover gold
Take Your MedicineImagine having to take medicine every morning, every night A bitter tasting medicine, not something for delight If you didn't take it, your hair would all fall out You'd be marked with an itchy, blotchy rash, your knees'd be full of gout
Your digestion would stop digesting, your heart no longer pump And from the middle of your head would grow a large, unsightly lump You had to take this medicine every hour that you could I think that you'd resent it, I really think you would
And yet you're quite happy to keep on smoking every minute of the day Even though this smoking doesn't help you in any way It doesn't stop unsightly lumps or your hair falling out in alarming clumps Does not prevent a blotchy rash, just costs you lots of needed cash
Can you please explain to me Why you don't want to become free From a disgusting, filthy, nasty weed That your body does not need
Teach Me How To Smoke Can you please teach me how to smoke I think it looks quite smart Just how difficult is it to achieve it looks like quite an art Put the cigarette in your mouth and as you light it take a drag Then afterwards you blow it out and so on, to the end of the fag
That sounds quite easy I'll give it a go, I can do it but there's a problem The taste and smell's not pleasant at all do you know how I can overcome them? Oh, it's quite simple, you will see just do it for a while Then you won't notice taste or smell because you'll be a smoke-a-phile
But I don't want to be addicted I just want to smoke when I choose I only want to enjoy them, I don't want to lose Sorry, that is not an option you cannot enjoy a cigarette They are intrinsically unpleasant but they can still catch you in their net
Because my friend they can play with your mind they can create in you a fear That if you don't have one in very good time you will not be full of good cheer Once the fear has come it doesn't want to go, it can hang around forever All the smokers round you have it inside now they don't think they're so clever
But they will tell you plain as plain that they enjoy their fags To admit to themselves that they're under a spell is just a little bit too hard
The Addict's MindThe addict's mind is forever spinning, turning Bobbing, weaving, feinting, swerving Reason tries to land a punch, no chance The addict's mind can really dance
When Reason says in calm and measured tones That addiction can sink you, like a stone The addict's mind will skip away It doesn't want to hear that today
It cannot comprehend at all That the only time it has a ball Is after it has suffered misery After it has been frantically, desperately
Pining for some silly drug It just cannot see it is a mug Because it dodges with expert skill Each time Reason comes in for the kill
The Agony And The AgonyAn entire minute's gone by, you've resisted that long Another sixty seconds slowly pass, you've desisted, how strong Although anxiety is building higher and higher Feeling as taut and tense as a highly strung wire
Those nauseating fumes are undoubtedly tempting But from this vicious cycle you are yourself exempting An hour, finally, has excruciatingly elapsed But it's becoming too much, is it time for a relapse?
The tension, the stress, the fear, the pain Of not dragging deeply on your friend, your bane Oh no, you've succumbed to its evil lure The agony of failure, is there any cure?
You endured all of that stress and all of that worry But ultimately surrendered, in a great panicking hurry Now you feel lower than the lowest of lows Addiction, so cruel, strikes the most vicious of blows
The ArgumentDid you know that if you smoke then every single day Your mind and body fight like hell and this is what they say Uh-oh nicotine's down I'd better top it up No I beg you, please don't do that I have had enough
You're not serious, I can't believe you don't want this wondrous stuff? Whoever gave you that idea has made your life most tough But as I look round me left and right I see smokers puffing with all their might Their bodies must need the lovely nicotine how else can you explain why they're so keen
I hate to shatter your illusion but this has been a diabolical collusion Between the very first smoker centuries ago and those around you walking to and fro Each smoker passes his mistaken belief on that nicotine is needed, but it's just a con You see them puff in desperation and then you have no hesitation
In believing with utmost conviction that you need nicotine, but it's just fiction Let's start to use some logic here and then we may begin to lose our fear If you suck up a poison inside me I'll tell you something and it's for free I don't want you to KEEP doing that I want you to stop and that is that
I don't want any ifs or buts I hate nicotine with all my guts You may believe it to be otherwise but I tell the truth, the rest is lies
The Bully Do you remember the bully from school The one who tried to make you look like a fool He'd push you and shove you and take your lunch money He'd laugh at you, sneer at you, thought it was funny
But one day this bully got a nasty surprise You shoved him back, the look in his eyes He didn't expect it, his bluff had been answered His ticket as bully had been made void and cancelled
The bully who bullies you from morning to night Maybe it's time that he got a big fright Maybe it's time that this big puff of nothing Was punched in the guts, knocked out the stuffing
You won't be any longer handing over your lunch money Because from your point of view, there isn't anything funny About being ordered to inhale fumes of tobacco most acrid By someone whose muscles are really quite flaccid
The ChallengerDave, I brung a new boxer What kind of punch has he got? Can't see him around Wally Don't worry Dave, you'll see him a lot
But I can't see him Oh, you'll see him soon enough Now get your gloves on 'Cos this match'll be tough
Watcha waitin' for Dave Start sparring with the guy But I can't see him Wally Can't ya, well give it a try
He just hit ya right in the guts And that one, that was fair in the .... Did ya feel it, right where it hurts, Dave No Wally I didn't, you're startin' to rave
You'll see him alright, and he'll become so real And each punch that he throws, you'll certainly feel He can throw punches from all over the place This challenger I brung for you to face
You're right Wally, I can see him so real He just smacked me hard, like I was raw veal He just smacked me again, near knocked me down I tried to punch back, but he stepped right around
Dave, I'm trying to tell you how cigarettes work 'Cos I don't want you to be such a berk They'll take hold of your mind with a vice like grip And believe me, it sure ain't no pleasant trip
The Counting Game A full pack of twenty, oh what joy Now down to nineteen, I still feel buoyed There's now eighteen of the precious white sticks But who's counting, they're really not worth a nick
Seventeen left, still quite a few to go Seventeen sticks of poison, that's quite a show Down to sixteen now, a small hole starts to appear Sixteen of the precious white sticks I hold so very dear
Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven I now no longer feel that I am in heaven Because I barely have left now more than half a pack Of those little white sticks which keep me on the rack
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four Now is when you'll see me walking out the door To buy some more cigarettes, I cannot go too low For I must always see the end of a cigarette glow
Cigarette addiction is very much a counting game But to count something of no value is a real, real shame Because a false value to it will be given And counting the blasted things is now what keeps me driven
The Enemy WithinOn September 11, 2001 A demonically dastardly deed was done Planes were crashed into office towers The President, he certainly did glower
Over three thousand citizens were killed Horrifically, many graves were filled The President vowed to punish this murderer A catastrophe such as this, he didn't want another
But right under his very nose He allows Big Tobacco to write embellished prose About their deadly product, shown in the media This dastardly deed he doesn't take heed of
Tobacco addiction kills five hundred thousand per year In his fair country, citizens held dear By grieving relatives across the land Who is the murderer that we should brand?
The FriendThere's bills to be paid and food to be bought But the money in your bank account always seems to be short How in this world can you for yourself fend Oh, it'll be alright because along comes your friend
And your friend gives you some money to help make ends meet This friend of yours, well he's quite hard to beat Just when you think you'll go under for sure This friend comes along with money galore
But what you don't realise is things aren't as they seem This friend comes from a nightmare, not from a dream Because before this friend gives you even one cent He's taken money from your account which was for the rent
Sure, he seems like he's always giving something to you But he takes first in secret and then gives you a few This friend that I mention, did you guess, he's the cigarette A friend who takes in secret will always keep you in debt
The Great Leveller Sweet old ladies, mafia dons World politicians, ex-crims and cons Young innocent teenagers, loutish punks Rock stars, film stars, handsome hunks
Checkout chicks, garbage collectors Teachers, sailors, company directors Artists, writers, shopkeepers too Infact, the entire mixed up motley crew
When they are under the cigarette's power They can barely go an hour Before they all become trembling wrecks They're all into it, up to their necks
The power of the little white stick Is quite unbelievable, it's a conjuring trick It's hard to grasp, absolutely amazing Don't take them away, or they'll come out blazing
The little white sticks rule mafia dons The little white sticks rule ex-crims and cons The little white sticks rule shopkeepers too The little white sticks rule the whole motley crew
The HovererSmokers love to live in Fantasy Land They swim in its warm waters and play with its white sand Listen to the announcements piped through its loudspeakers They haven't ever found a place that is any sweeter
In Fantasy Land they find that there are many benefits Being a smoking addict, they don't ever have to admit That it is such a burden to carry on your back As well as turning your lungs a nasty shade of black
Sometimes they take a trip over to Reality Land In a helicopter, but it doesn't go as planned Because they merely hover twenty metres above And then head back to the place that they love
The Interview Body, I have a few questions I would like to ask you today. Do you have a few spare moments? Yes, but can you be quick. I have some bodily functions to perform. Which do you prefer to be breathed into your lungs - fresh air or noxious fumes? Fresh air. What if you felt anxious or nervous - would you prefer to breathe in fresh air or noxious fumes? Fresh air. Would breathing in noxious fumes help alleviate boredom? No. Can you think of any circumstances at all where you would prefer to breathe in noxious fumes over fresh air? No. Are you annoyed because the Mind thinks noxious fumes should be breathed in? Yes, extremely. Is there anything you would like to say to the Mind at this point? Yes, please, please, please stop breathing in noxious fumes. Body, thank you for your time. You're welcome.
Cartoons By John Morrisstring', 'block1', '', '', ' If you like these cartoons you may like to visit <a target="_blank" href="http://www.businesscartoons.co.uk/">www.businesscartoons.co.uk</a>
The ResponseIf you stopped smoking cigarettes Just like that, so suddenly Do you think your body Would raise an urgent plea?
Do you imagine it would implore That you inhale the nicotine it so adores Go down on bended knee And beg for some so desperately
Or would it give a heartfelt thanks That its heart and lungs which were so lank Now began to burst with joy The nicotine no longer would annoy
Would your lungs start celebrating Because they were no longer aching Your arteries and veins join in the party Now they felt so hale and hearty
The Smoking TrapHave you ever wondered why every single day People fall into the smoking trap for which they pay in many ways It must be a very clever trap ingeniously designed Because it's worked for hundreds of years and people still are blind
They see others all around them smoking for dear life But they don't for a second think that they would end up in strife Is it the initial unpleasantness that makes them think they won't get hurt Is it the desire to be so cool that takes them off alert
Is it because they don't realise that cigarettes cannot be enjoyed You either don't like them at all or without them are very annoyed There is no in between state you go directly from one to t'other And once you get there, boy are you going to suffer, brother
Each day you'll have to smoke some fags knowing it's killing you, Taking money from your pocket but it's something you just have to do You think you'll stop next week, next year but who are you trying to kid Next week comes the next and the next, soon you're forty-six
A lucky few can break the hold but others continue on Hating themselves for doing so because the battle they have not won Some poor souls get emphysema, it means they can hardly breathe Do you think that's going to stop them, no not until the final wreath
When those poor souls were young and free they felt so strong and sure That they could stop whenever they wanted just like you. Will you take the lure?
The SpellWhen you were young, you read fairytales about princes and princesses They were young and beautiful and the princesses had long tresses Sometimes a wicked old witch would cast an evil spell If she wanted someone to respond she would ring her nasty bell
In more modern times, we still have spells but they are of a different form No, these days nicotine addiction has become much more the norm If you are under this wicked spell then you're totally in its power Each time it rings its persistent bell you must respond, every minute, every hour
If the phone rings, you pick it up well that's obvious, we all do that But if you're under the nicotine spell you MUST also light up and quick flat You don't like being under a spell so you tell yourself, "No I'm not. I choose to smoke this cigarette because it's one of the few pleasures I've got"
But exactly where does the pleasure come from, how does it come from this nasty, disgusting thing? Simple. You fear having no nicotine in your blood and alarm bells in your head start to ring Once you draw deep on the cigarette the alarm bells stop, momentarily At last you can relax, just briefly though, you know you'll never really be free
But try to remember those alarm bells are wrong, they shouldn't be ringing at all Just relax when you hear them and if you ignore them they'll give in and curl up in a ball
The TyrantIf there were a tyrant who ruled the land A tyrant whose power was getting out of hand A tyrant who wanted to be obeyed every command Would you lay down and bow to this man?
This tyrant ordered you every single day To go to the shops and with hard earned money pay For cigarettes which turned your skin all grey Would you in this land of fear stay?
Or would you flee from this land as soon as you could Flee from this land of no person's good Flee fleetly and silently out through the woods I know that if I could, I would
There's Nothing Wrong With ThatHave you ever seen a new born calf Searching for its mother's teat, not by half Frantic, desperate, cannot starve There's nothing wrong with that
And have you been so cold and tired A place to rest you deeply desired With a warm and very blazing fire There's nothing wrong with that
Have you been hungry, thirsty too Or despairing of finding a loo Shivering from being soaked right through There's nothing wrong with that
But if you feel you cannot go on Because you need to smoke a poison Without it, all of your hope gone There's something wrong with that
This Is A Test OnlyYou're sitting at your desk, trying to concentrate When suddenly the loudspeaker crackles with a voice that just can't wait THIS IS A TEST ONLY, PLEASE DISREGARD THIS MESSAGE You then sit waiting expectantly, just a little bit on edge
For the certain piercing screech of the office fire alarm It is warning you to leave, so that you'll stay out of harm Yet you stubbornly stay put, continue working at your desk Because you know that this is just merely a test
So when you here the urgent ringing of the nicotine bell I suggest you just stay put, you'd really be as well Because there is no fire that's going to cause you harm It is a test only, an extremely false alarm
Torture Chamber You are lead by a masked man in black To an instrument of torture, the infamous rack Where this cruel man places you with evil intent And stretches you slowly, you feel pain intense
Once he has tired of his macabre game He leaves you weak, alone and lame But then appears your saviour in white He frees you and you clap your hands in delight
He then disappears and to your absolute dismay The masked man returns, he's come back your way And sadistically places you back on the rack Turning it ever so gently, until your back gives a crack
But again he tires of his twisted pleasure He leaves and is replaced by your white knight, what a treasure Who wondrously releases you from this relentless agony And again you clap your hands delightedly
But the masked man has not finished, he's back again He racks you, the man in white liberates you, it's an endless refrain One day, though, you notice with shock and surprise When the man in black's mask slips, he has the man in white's eyes
I am telling you this quaint little ditty Not because I want to appear witty But to help you understand all about the cigarette pack Certainly, it is the man in white, but it's also the man in black
Valued Victims Valued victims, sorry I meant clients held in honorable esteem Did we help you realise your adolescent dream Valued victims, did we turn you into debonair sophisticates Did we deliver what we promised, an image that is first rate
Valued victims, your patronage is very important for our wealth Can you please keep buying cigarettes, don't worry about your health Because your health is not important, not to us and not to you Just keep buying cigarettes, that's what we would like you to do
Valued victims, we think it is your very right to smoke We would like you to that right constantly invoke And if your breathing sometimes seems a little laboured Just keep smoking, you'll be doing us a favour
View From Mars Imagine being a Martian and peering down on earth And puzzling and puzzling for all your Martian brain was worth Why were those funny earthians standing in the street And sucking on those little logs, you might have to admit defeat
With seven fingers and two triple jointed thumbs, you'd scratch your furry, green head Because even from up on Mars, you'd know those logs would make you dead The smell alone that you detected from your ten nostrils perched upon your ear Was enough to instil in you a horrifying fear
That these earthians had been visited from some aliens out in space Some nasty, vicious aliens who did not like the human race And these aliens had then programmed some of our precious human kind By writing a cruel virus prepared specially for the delicate human mind
If you were such a Martian, you'd be shaking in your twenty pairs of shoes Because you knew it could be possible, that you'd hear it on the Martian news That this virus had jumped planets, gone across to Mars from Earth And of you verdant, martial Martians, there was now a severe dearth
Virtual RealityThere's a great new game in the video arcade It's called "The Monster Truck Which You Must Evade" Every time you see this screaming truck bearing down on you Drag on a cigarette, that's all you have to do
If it comes back after it has veered off screen Have another cigarette, do you see what I mean And when it returns with a vengeance truly frightening Have another cigarette, am I being enlightening
This truck'll come at you from every angle all day long But if you have a cigarette you'll always stand straight and strong It will never run you down, never knock you off your feet Just have another cigarette, but it won't ever admit defeat
Because it will always keep coming back for more So have those fags handy, you'll need them by the score Unless one day you realise, realise clear and true This truck is a virtual truck, it cannot get at you
We Like To Help Smoking's a problem been around many a year Then Allen Carr thinks up a new idea, it's a fear But we don't like new ideas, we think they are wrong They don't fit our mindset, and our mindset is strong
We'll tell these poor smokers stuck in a trap To keep ingesting more of that disgusting crap And pay for it right through the nose How should they do this, do you suppose
By sticking a patch of it right on their arm We like to help, we don't think we cause harm It's only the poor smokers whose brains are confused We think so clearly, and we've got nothing to lose
Because if we don't help them, it's their fault, not ours We're in control and we have the power Lives will be lost, people will suffer But we'll just go on being what we are, complete duffers
What A Rebel.....NOTYou think you're such a rebel, with that smoke resting in your hand But you're an obsequious slave to an inner command When you awake each morning, you're ordered to light up And you would never disobey, you're a very obedient little pup
Then a short time later, this command to you is repeated Drag deeply, I'll give you pleasure which is meted In miniscule doses, I hold a very tight rein Dare to disobey me, and you will have to explain
Explain to me why you have not lit up that fag, you dared Oh, it's bad for your health, well tell someone who cares Don't give me weak excuses that it takes up lots of money You smoke it now, right now, you silly little bunny
You think you'll wait until tomorrow to break free Ha! Not a chance, you will only take orders from me And when I say light up a smoke, you'll just respond meekly with a nod I don't want to have to get out my electric cattle prod
What Is It?What is it in your mind That drives you on and on and on And on and on and on and on And on and on and on
A path so deeply etched Is it permanent in your mind? Or is there anything out there at all That will make your brain rewind
To the state it was many years ago When fags were just little white sticks They didn't thrill you, didn't kill you Didn't even cause a blip
Your face would remain a total blank If they were waved infront of you They had no meaning, you had no leaning Towards their imaginary charms of honey dew
But now their importance dominates your world These fags have taken control of your life And I don't think their intentions are honourable I don't think they want you to survive
What Part?What part of "Just stop!" don't you understand It doesn't seem to be an overly complicated command What part of "Smoking kills!" doesn't make any sense It's not for me to say that you are seeming a little dense
With what part of "You're a slave" don't you happen to agree Or maybe you're quite frightened at the thought of being free What part of "It stinks like hell" has to be translated Am I being difficult to say against my nerves it's grated
What part of "They cost a lot" hasn't been comprehended Stop buying the dratted things and that's a debt that will be ended I'm trying to say it clearly, as clearly as I'm able Stop smoking now, forever, and lose the smoker label
Which Voice?In English, we have a choice Between the active and passive voice "I am in control" is on the go "I am not being controlled" is rather slow
A person who is not addicted Would see themselves clearly depicted As not being controlled, the passive voice That's how they'd see it, if they had the choice
To see it otherwise would assume And already I sense impending doom That there was something to be controlled A zone to constantly patrol
An enemy to continually fight A monster to battle with all your might Sit back, put your feet up and relax Passivity can be the sharpest axe
Who Am I?I'm a smoker, that's what I am I'll have a smoke whenever I can You see me standing outside the office And I've got one of those things stuck in my orifice
I'm a smoker, that's what I do I do it because I continually have to I have to do it again and again And again and again and again and again
I'm a smoker, that's my habit I'm a bit like a floppy eared, frightened rabbit If someone took my cigarettes away I doubt if I'd make it through the day
I'm a smoker, have been for years I've carried around the greatest of fears The fear of not having a cigarette Of starting at all is my one biggest regret
I'm a smoker, I'm stuck in a trap I'm sick of breathing in all that crap But I have to do it day after day I made a mistake years ago, but forever I'll pay
Who Is The Master?When you first light up a fag it doesn't taste too good But you will be its master yet indeed you will, you should For you must be so hip and cool like all the other smokers They are smart and clever people not like those other jokers
They're so smart that they can draw a fag between their lips And blow out smoke so easily while making witty quips The smoke drawn deeply from the fag is noxious, there's no doubt And by sheer logic, must be true it's noxious what's blown out
A minor detail not your concern, what's crucial's how you look You've got to breathe it in and out and not look like you're crook Once you can do that you are like them, that cool and clever crowd At last, you've made it to their world and you can shout out loud
I can smoke without a choke I have become its master But wait a second I have found, that it became mine faster
Who's The Clever One?You think you are so smart and clever You've trapped someone in a trap forever A fellow human, it matters not For fellow humans you don't give a diddly squat
Money is your commander-in-chief Its absence gives you lots of grief You want some more and then some more again It has become your ultimate friend
You count your mansions, one, two, three, four Your cars, your jewels but you still want more You are addicted, make no mistake You must have antiques that are no fakes
No, the only fake around is you You'll lie and deceive til your nose turns blue Because you must have much more than you need The trap you've fallen into is the one called greed
Why Don't They?If a non-smoker feels anxious or feels rather sad They won't suck on a fag because they think that that's mad If a non-smoker is lonely or has been quite frightened They won't pull out a gasper, because they're enlightened
When a non-smoker rises from their bed every morning They won't think of a fag and it's not because of the warnings If a non-smoker needs to pass an hour or two They won't have a cigarette, because it's something they'd never do
Why do they never, no matter how they're feeling Turn to a cigarette, an object thought healing By those who smoke them at the drop of a hat Why do they never, can you tell me that?
I'll tell you the reason, it's one to remember They do not perceive a fag as anything tender Would you turn to a smelly, disgusting, poisonous weed If you were in trouble, that'd be a very strange creed
Why Go Back? Do you remember that nasty spell The one that came right up from hell I'm sure you remember it only too well The one where whenever you heard the bell You had to go to the shops which sell Those lovely things called cigarettes
And then came the day when you broke free Oh, it was wonderful to have such liberty You could live your life without paying the fee For awful things which smelt like gone off brie You could answer the phone quite happily Without having to drag on a cigarette
So please remember the bad with the good It's very important that you should Don't cover them up with a great big hood It's a curse, don't forget, as if you would It'll take you under, if only it could But you won't succumb to the cigarette
Why Wait?Why wait, the time will never be just right Why wait, time's wasting, accept your invite Why wait til even the stragglers have left the celebration You've waited long enough, now begin with exultation
Why wait, you'll wait your very life away Why wait, do it now ie today Why wait, you're not stuck in a queue Start immediately, you know exactly what you should do
Waiting is boring, waiting is dull Waiting is meaningless, it's unmeaningful Waiting is trying my patience to the limit Go on, what are you waiting for, just do it
Yes MasterWill you smoke every single day the cigarettes I make and sell Yes master Even though I tricked you into buying them in the first place Yes master Even though I couldn't care less about your health Yes master Even though you are making me more rich and powerful than you can imagine Yes master Do you believe that my cigarettes have special and magical properties Yes master Do you believe that they are your first priority, more important than your precious health Oh yes master Do you believe that you benefit from being a smoker Yes master Do you believe that you must continue being a smoker, since you have already started Yes master Will you be filled with a great fear if you do not have my magical cigarettes Yes master Will you always rationalise that you are better off being a smoker Yes master Even though it ruins your health and costs you money Yes master Do you believe with all your heart and soul that you MUST have my magical cigarettes Yes master Do you believe that you are in control and the reason you smoke is because you enjoy smoking Yes master Will you always buy my cigarettes even if you have virtually no money Yes master Will you smoke my cigarettes even if you feel guilty and stupid doing so Yes master Are you brainwashed No master Your obsequiesness is turning my stomach. Now get out of my sight. Sorry master. I will now go and buy your magical cigarettes Of course you will. I totally control you.
Security AlertHackers are not just computer geeks Who sit at their computer week after week No, some hackers hack into the human brain It's easily done, doesn't even cause pain At least not initially, but from there on after It'll take away your fun and laughter
The tobacco companies have to keep snaring More young people whose lives they are little of caring How do they do this, it seems their hands are tied Not at all, they can still lay traps far and wide Beautiful and handsome stars are ideal bait Stick cigarettes in the mouths of George and Cate
Dress them well and parade them on the screen And the subconscious mind will see the unseen The hacker got through, a piece of cake Planted his virus to cause misery and heartache Instead of computing disgusting, foul and frightful The computer computes delicious and delightful
Hold That Thought Hold that thought, no not that one That one will get you undone The one before which flitted past so fleeting That's the one to which you should be heeding
Don't discard it and put it in a pile of junk That's the thought which is the thought that should be thunk The one you're latching onto is broken and of no use It'll only give you trouble, heartache and abuse
Reach out and grab the one that you carelessly let go That's the thought which really does know The complete truth of the matter, unambiguous and clear Grab that thought and let it steer
Because I Said So, That's WhyBecause I said so, that's why Reasons? Those I don't supply I am your subconscious, what I say goes And if I were to say stand on your nose
You'd do it of course, without hesitation I order, you obey, there's no contestation Snap my fingers, you jump right up to attention 'Cos you really hate having to spend time on detention
I am your subconscious, I'm always present And to be honest, I'm not always pleasant Try to control me, go on, have a go Is that your best shot, come on, you're way too slow
High Anxiety Thank goodness, the yellow ball is hanging from the rope If it weren't there, well I really don't think I could cope Oh no, it's now the red ball swinging in the breeze My hands tense up, I start to sweat, my whole body's in a freeze
Oh what relief, I can see now the yellow ball shining like the sun At least for now, just for a short while, I can really have some fun But just as I thought, the red ball has come and displaced my yellow friend My anxiety returns, my calm has now come to an abrupt end
All those emotions sparked by coloured balls of complete irrelevance The relief, the anxiety, the calmness, and then so tense Just like a smoker whose emotions constantly whirl and spin Around irrelevant, useless sticks that hang above their chin
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Humour With Lemon Pepper SauceJust for fun! string', 'target', '', '', '', ' string', 'url', '', '', '', 'https://alessandraliverani.com
The TruthTell the truth, are you crazy, the truth is for fools In my clever world it’s lying which rules Why opt for something as silly as sincerity When you can easily choose dishonesty
Then you can tell lies upon lies upon lies So many out there for you to devise And believe them yourself, very nearly, why not You weaved such an interesting, exciting plot
The truth, big deal, the truth is nothing but lies My truth’s so much better, at least in my eyes My lies versus the truth, so easy to win Because I can keep lying ad nauseum
I’ll just spout out a lie, how easy was that Don’t look for the truth in my kind of chat You think I’ll be discovered, I’m way too smart I’ll never say what’s there in my heart
My heart was stunted a long time ago All this lying stopped any chance it could grow When you don’t speak from your heart, it’s hard to see The difference between truth and dishonesty
The Dining Table I have some friends, a man and wife I'll tell you a bit about their life So that you can get a grip On what constitutes a relationship
I visited them a short time ago Looked down with shock and had to know Why their dining table's smooth veneer Carefully protected for at least a year
With coaster, placemat for all food and drink To not use such a thing would be unthink Was christened with not just a little mark But that there was an unsightly gouge in this bark
"What happened here?" I questioned Sue She seemed to have something else to do I looked at Vince but he turned away No information would he convey
I needed answers so back to Sue I turned How this happened would be learned Sheepishly she mumbled an argument began Her anger built but she had a plan
To place her plate upon said table With as much force as she was able So that no damage would be done But still make a statement, and the battle won
She didn't count on her husband's reaction To be sure of complete satisfaction His coffee mug had to hit the table hard And alas we have our table, scarred
She's A Beagle Brandy is a beagle, I've said a lot already When you eat a tasty morsel she can hold your gaze quite steady Her eyes plead quite insistently, she only wants a little taste Even if it's just a fallen crumb that else would have gone to waste
Once you give her her heart's desire do you think that will stop her yearn If you responded in the affirmative then you still have much to learn She can smell a muffin from miles and miles away Leave it unguarded for a second, she thinks to herself "Ole"
And when you return from your very brief jaunt, she will look up at you most innocently Her dark brown eyes will stare at you, not a single crumb in the vicinity If she walks by a great big dog she doesn't say a single word Until she's safely passed it by then she barks like you have never heard
Teaching her how to use a dog flap does not always go as planned You know that food will do the trick but remember, Brandy is not bland You place her gently outside the door then as you bend down to place the food Her head bursts through, ears all askew, oddly enough she's in a hungry mood
Her excitement when going on a walk cannot be surpassed She may be greedy and disobedient but she is a lovely little lass
The Rooster Dear Mr Rooster, I have never had the pleasure Of meeting you or seeing you and your splendid feathers But I hear you early every morning with the sun rising low That is when insistently and persistently you decide to crow
I live in the inner city and never would have dreamed A cock-a-doodle rooster was just not part of my scheme Maybe it's time to seriously rethink your location And head off to the country on a permanent vacation
The air is clean and fresh out there There's many hens, I'm sure you're aware You can crow and crow from dawn to dusk And satiate your insatiable lust
It's Easter Sunday and I've just walked past your yard I saw a grave with a small cross and on it stuck a card I'm not certain if it was placed there ensuring I would weep Because the words on this card say, 'I died so that you could sleep'
It's All Relative My mother’s brother’s sister’s name is Grace She’s my aunt and likes to go from place to place My mother’s sister’s brother’s name is Brad He’s my uncle and he is my cousin’s Dad
My grandmother on my mother’s side Is my maternal gran, she is my grandfather’s bride She also is my father’s mother-in-law And not surprisingly they often go to war
My cousin is the nephew of my mother His father happens to be my mother’s brother My aunty’s niece is in fact myself If you’re confused, please don’t look at me for help
Where Are My Glasses? Where are my glasses, where did they go? I’ve searched high, and I’ve searched low I looked on the shelf and behind the TV Where, oh where can my glasses be?
I’ve looked on top of the table, behind the door Inside the cupboard and inside the drawer Beside the lounge and under it too I went outside and checked inside an old shoe
I walked down the hallway and up the stairs In front of me was a bicycle lying right there I walked around it and jumped over the toys Left there by those most lazy of boys
I walked past a doorway, then crawled through a hole Which led to a cupboard that only contained bowls I’ve looked everywhere, under each and every bed The only place I forgot was on top of my head
Yeah, whatever The sun is shining, so what The birds are chirping, who cares? The dogs are barking, what for? The river's flowing, only from here to there
But things aren't going right, will it ever turn Are obstacles put into place just so I will learn How to overcome them, whatever's thrown my way Must I repeat this lesson, day after day?
Challenges 101, surely I've passed it by now I know I've failed it a couple of times, well it really is a cow But I'm more than ready for Smooth Sailing 201 My time with Challenges I'd like to be done
Are you listening to what I'm saying? Or is this just some meaningless braying Come on Professor just give me a pass So I can finally exit this class
GTYK Hi, how are you? What’s your name? We’re playing a GTKY kind of game What on earth does GTKY stand for? Getting To Know You, can you please tell us more
How long have you lived here? Where are you from? I’ve lived here 10 years and I come from a kingdom A tiny principality of a hundred people or fewer Our chief export there is three humped camel manure
Oh really, that’s fascinating, I never would have guessed That three humped camel manure was one of the best Oh but it is, it’s expensive, it’s worth more than gold It contains a special ingredient, that’s what I’ve been told
If you smear it on your face, your wrinkles will disappear I do it myself every day, have been doing it for years But your face is covered in wrinkles, covered in splotches You believed my story, ha ha, I gotcha
Brassed Off Sally bought a toothbrush holder made from gleaming brass Solid, smooth and golden, it was really class But was loathe to spend long dreary hours Buffing and shining it, after hefty scours
So she rejoiced to learn that the brass could be sprayed With a film of plastic; she was amazed And rushed off down to the nearest hardware store To purchase this plastic that would eliminate the chore
She searched high and low on every shelf But thought I’ll never find it by myself So queried a young assistant wandering around As to where this can of plastic could be found
She asked, "Do you sell the stuff you spray on brass?" He blushed, "No we don’t”, and spun away fast She thought his reaction rather strange But just kept looking through the wide product range
Until eventually triumphant the elusive can she spotted And deciding she’d tell that young assistant to get knotted Strode up to him with the can in her hand Saying, "You told me you don’t sell this, an explanation I demand"
He mumbled rather sheepishly, "I thought you said something else I thought you were looking for another product on the shelf." "And what could that be if it weren't stuff to spray on brass?" He replied, "I thought you were looking for some spray on bras."
Dust The ship in a bottle brought back from Bristol The vase filled with flowers made of finest crystal Wedding photographs of children proudly displayed Souvenirs of wood and iron, some made of green jade
They may look very innocent sitting quietly on the shelves But you didn't know that they just cannot help themselves Just as a dog will roll in an object too disgusting to contemplate These inanimate beings also cannot wait
To cover themselves completely in a film so very fine Of dust, oh and don't forget those many bottles of wine And don't forget the CD's, the videos and books As well as the strange sculptures full of crannies and nooks
Who would have thought such pretty things could chain us to a rag A rare few may enjoy dusting but I think it is a drag It wouldn't be so bad that if when you finished, this was the end But you know that come next week, it starts all over again
The Echidna Would you be an echidna? - I widna' The echidna is a little shy, He mostly hangs his head, And should he hear you passing by, He'll hurry off to bed
Inside a log, Or under leaves, he lays Himself to rest, Paws outstretched, Snout between, He ponders what is best
The meat-ant queens Who're full of fat Are soon to fly away: Should he go round and rip their mound Or wait another day
Until his snout - He touches it - is feeling much less sore. Those worker ants had savaged it When he first broke down their door
They nipped and nipped, And tore his flesh, Until he thought he'd scream Take that and that, He heard them cry, You horrid monotreme!
So feeling sad and fat-deprived He sank down on his tum, And wondered why, in at least a year, He hadn't heard from Mum.
She'd loved him much, He remembered well, While he was in her pouch, But once his spines began to prick, She'd started crying 'ouch'.
And took him out, And hid him deep, In a mix of mulch and bark, And fed him from her milky glands, Then left him in the dark.
Don't fret my child, I won't be long, He trembled to hear her say: I'll be back to feed you, Why, every other day.
And so it proved: She never failed To come back with his feed Her pinkish milk Oozed down his throat No matter what his greed!
Then one hot night she waddled off And he began to dream. His Mum was gone forever, Obeying her phylogene. A silent tear slid down his snout And hovered on the tip A terrible pain afflicted him - Evolution's poor misfit.
He straightened his reptile shoulders, He raised his mammal's head, He wiped his bird-like eye And to himself he said:
I cannot understand it, This evolution scene, Or why the lowest mammal Is labelled "monotreme."
I don't believe it matters, That I'm both bird and beast, A special place is set for me At the great big global feast.
So a monotreme I mean to stay Despite the jibes and jeers, I'll lay my eggs and nurse my young For another million years.
Our Budgies Our pretty budgies love to chatter Oh how they love a little natter It's no good asking for some peace They keep on talking, never cease
Maybe they're saying their name in Latin Melopsittacus undulates, they're chanting Or possibly how hot's the weather And wonderfully cooling, to fluff their feathers
They may be talking of the crow outside And laughing at his big backside Or simply rejoicing at being alive To wake up cheery at half past five.
Latest Gossip Can someone please tell me I'd like to know as well What gossip a dog catches up on When around the place it smells
It sounds very interesting, spicy The very latest in slanderous news Because dogs just can't wait to catch up on it They want to hear the most recent reviews
If you let them loose from their confines They'll rush to the nearest news stand And sniff greedily at the tabloids In a language we just don't understand
I would love to be Dr Doolittle Even if it were only for a day Because I could listen in as well And reply with shock "Oh I say"
Questionsstring', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<p align="center"><font face="Arial" color="#3366ff"> Do you think cigarettes only ever relieve the anxiety they cause? Do you think your mind gives much more power to cigarettes than they really deserve? Do you choose to smoke? Do you think non-smokers have their own comfort zone, which is being a non-smoker? Are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Do you worship cigarettes? Do you feel you need permission to become a non-smoker? Is there any way of shutting up the voice which keeps telling you to have a cigarette? Does the thought of a lifetime of breathing in only fresh air disturb you? Is it possible to overcome a feeling of panic? Is not being able to have a cigarette the biggest fear in your life? Do you think that you were born a smoker? Do you think you are in control because you can take a long plane flight without smoking? Are you a puppet on a string? Do you think being a smoker is a form of torture? Are you both frightened to have a cigarette and frightened not to have a cigarette? Is the only thing stopping you becoming a non-smoker, you yourself? Is there something which does not quite add up with cigarette addiction? Do you want to die a smoker? Have you been deceived by cigarettes? Are incredibly huge sums of money made from the sale of cigarettes? Do you think smoking cigarettes wastes time? Are cigarettes harmful to your health? Would you rather that cigarettes were sold in unattractive packaging? Are cigarettes sold for the benefit of smokers? Is it your mind or your body which is addicted to cigarettes? Do you think heroin is far worse than tobacco? Do you think it is OK to smoke because some smokers live past eighty? Do you enjoy the whole cigarette? Are you a slave to cigarettes? Which would you choose to breathe: fresh air from a mountain village or densely polluted city air? What exactly do you think happens to your body when you are unable to smoke the cigarette you want? Do you believe that a withdrawal experience can go on forever? Do you think non-smokers are a little bit stuck-up? Do you think smokers are more social than non-smokers? What is the worst withdrawal experience you have had? Would you like to stop smoking now? Are you confused by your addiction? Do you think that your lungs only wants to breathe in fresh air? Do you think that being a smoker is a burden in your life? Do you constantly try to find ways to justify smoking? Have you ever cried because you are a smoker? What is the best thing about being a smoker? What is the worst thing about being a smoker? Do you think tobacco companies care about their customers? Have you ever stopped a friendship with a non-smoker because you smoke? Are you creating your own monster to keep fighting against? Is your cigarette addiction fooling you? </font>rn<font face="Arial" color="#3366ff">rn<p align="center"> rn</font>
Free To Subscribe New Free To Subscribe Subscribe string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<br/>rn<br/>rn Unfortunately the subscribe function is not working currently but you can download a pdf file of all the poems.rn<br/>rn<br/>rn<p><a href="http://www.escapesmoking.com/pdf/freshfreeandlovinit.pdf">Download Pdf file Poems</a></p>rn
int', 'items_per_page', '', '', '', '10string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<font color="#808000">A beautiful CD available mid February 2007 containing over 50 inspirational poems. You can listen to it while driving your car, relaxing at home or going for a walk - you will love it! asldkjf;lsakdjfl;asjkdf</font> string', 'notes', '', '', '', ' string', 'recurse', '', '', '', 'mixed_one string', 'sort_order', '', '', '', 'natural string', 'sub_template', '', '', '', '1
We Don't CareWe sell a product which destroys lives But we don’t care, even if those very same knives Kill us too, give us cancer in the mouth Cancer in the east, in the west and in the south
Kill our mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts We can’t go against our company, we simply can’t Our shareholders’ dividends, that is our top priority Not our very own lives and those of our family tree
We’re simply programmed to promote tobacco That’s all we think and that’s all we know We don’t care about something as trivial as people’s lives It’s selling tobacco which really makes us jive
We sell it to the rich, we sell it to the poor We sell it to the young, we sell it off the floor We’re tobacco sellers, get out of our way We’re tobacco sellers until our very last day
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string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<table cellspacing="1" cellpadding="1" width="95%" summary="" border="0">rn <tbody>rn <tr>rn <td>rn <font color="#808000">A beautiful CD now available containing over 50 uplifting poems. You can listen to it while driving your car, relaxing at home, going for a walk or even while doing the ironing. You will love it!</font>rn <p><font color="#808000">Listen before you buy: </font></p>rn <p><font color="#808000"><a target="_blank" href="http://www.escapesmoking.com/mp3/Smokers Rap.mp3">Smoker's Rap</a> </font><font color="#808000"><a target="_blank" href="http://www.escapesmoking.com/mp3/Urgent Delivery.mp3">Urgent Delivery</a> </font><font color="#808000"><a target="_blank" href="http://www.escapesmoking.com/mp3/Fresh Air.mp3">Fresh Air</a> </font>rn </td>rn <td>rn <font color="#808000"><input type="image" src="http://www.escapesmoking.com/images/cms/CDlabel.gif" /></font></p>rn </td>rn </tr>rn </tbody>rn</table>rn<table cellspacing="1" cellpadding="1" width="95%" summary="" border="0">rn <tbody>rn <tr>rn <td width=20%><form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post">rn<input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick">rn<input type="image" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/btn/x-click-but23.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!">rn<img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_AU/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1">rn<input type="hidden" name="encrypted" value="-----BEGIN PKCS7-----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-----END PKCS7-----rn">rn</form><td>Price: $10 + $5 postage = $15 AUD</td>rn </tr>rn </tbody>rn</table>rn<p><font color="#808000"><input type="image" src="http://www.escapesmoking.com/images/cms/pg2pg3.gif" width=95%/></font></p>rn rnrn
<font face="Verdana" color="#333333">These poems all have been alphabetisedB follows A and J follows I T precedes U and O precedes P Knowing your alphabet, that is the key</font>rn <font face="Verdana" color="#333333">You won’t have to search hither and yonder No moments of your life will have to be squandered ‘Cos all of these poems have been categorised Such that B follow A and J follows I </font>
string', 'Sidebar', '', '', '', 'string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}a-smoker-s-life">A Smoker's Life</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}abracadabra">Abracadabra</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}analyse-this">Analyse This</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}addiction-is-addiction-is-addiction-is-addiction">Addiction Is Addiction Is Addiction Is Addiction</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}analyse-this">Analyse This</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}appearances-are-deceptive">Appearances Are Deceptive</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}applying-for-the-boss-s-job">Applying For The Boss's Job</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}are-brainwashers-brainwashed">Are Brainwashers Brainwashed?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}are-you-crazy">Are You Crazy?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}because-i-said-so-that-s-why">Because I Said So, That's Why</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}before-you-start">Before You Start</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}better-have-a-cigarette">Better Have A Cigarette</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}big-tobacco-s-creed">Big Tobacco's Creed</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}blind-fear">Blind Fear</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}brainwashed">Brainwashed</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}branded">Branded</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}breakfast-at-tiffany-s">Breakfast At Tiffany's</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}but-it-makes-me-lots-of-money">But It Makes Me Lots Of Money</a></li>rn</ul>
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string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}can-you-do-it">Can You Do It?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}can-you-sell-this">Can You Sell This?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}cannibals">Cannibals</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}caring-for-an-absurdity">Caring For An Absurdity</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}caught-in-a-rip">Caught In A Rip</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}cigarette-oh-sorry-are-you-trying-to-quit">Cigarette? Oh sorry are you trying to quit</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}cockroaches-rule">Cockroaches Rule!</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}comfort-zone">Comfort Zone</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}complicated">Complicated</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}computer-support">Computer Support</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}confused">Confused</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}copied-fear">Copied Fear</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}coulda-woulda-shoulda">Coulda Woulda Shoulda</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}cycles">Cycles</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}fear-is-not-a-fault">Fear Is Not A Fault</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}fiddle-faddle">Fiddle Faddle</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}fix-the-bug">Fix The Bug</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}fresh-air">Fresh Air</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}go-easy-on-yourself">Go Easy On Yourself</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}hey-what-s-your-problem">Hey, What's Your Problem?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}high-anxiety">High Anxiety</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}hold-that-thought">Hold That Thought</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}how-dare-you">How Dare You</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}how-hard-is-it">How Hard Is It?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}how-to-do-it">How To Do It</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}how-to-make-a-mountain-out-of-a-molehill">How To Make A Mountain Out Of A Molehill</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}hunted">Hunted</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}hypnotised">Hypnotised</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}hyponicotinaphobia">Hyponicotinaphobia</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-always-have-a-reason">I Always Have A Reason</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-am-not-an-addict">I Am Not An Addict</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-bow-before-you">I Bow Before You</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-can-t-be-bothered">I Can't Be Bothered</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-deserve-a-cigarette">I Deserve A Cigarette</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-don-t-need-them">I Don't Need Them</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-don-t-resent">I Don't Resent</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-grant-you-permission">I Grant You Permission</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-smoke-because-i-choose-to">I Smoke Because I Choose To</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-want-to-smoke">I Want To Smoke</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-will-help-you">I Will Help You</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-wish-i-could">I Wish I Could</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}if-you-believe">If You Believe</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-m-not-really-a-smoker">I'm Not Really A Smoker</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-m-sick-of-it">I'm Sick Of It</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}image-in-the-mirror">Image In The Mirror</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}in-any-way-at-all">In Any Way At All</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}instincts">Instincts</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}it-s-a-drug">It's A Drug</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}it-s-all-in-your-mind">It's All In Your Mind</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}i-ve-got-it-all-under-control">I've Got It All Under Control</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}let-go">Let Go</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}limericks">Limericks</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}mental-as-anything">Mental As Anything</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}monsters-inc">Monsters Inc</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}more-torture-why-not">More Torture, Why Not?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}most-important">Most Important</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}my-cigarette-my-friend">My Cigarette, My Friend</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}my-grandmother">My Grandmother</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}my-lot-in-life">My Lot In Life</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}my-most-important-task-in-life">My Most Important Task In Life</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}my-name-is-david">My Name Is David</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}myths-and-misconceptions">Myths And Misconceptions</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}natural-phenomena">Natural Phenomena</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}never-ending-time">Never Ending Time</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}no-law">No Law</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}not-a-problem">Not A Problem</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}notification">Notification</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}optical-illusion">Optical Illusion</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}panic-attack">Panic Attack</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}pavlov-s-dog">Pavlov's Dog</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}people-s-lying">People's Lying</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}perception">Perception</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}play-time">Play Time</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}please-give-generously">Please Give Generously</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}pleasure-and-pain">Pleasure and Pain</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}power-of-the-mind">Power Of The Mind</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}pretty-packages">Pretty Packages</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}priorities">Priorities</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}prisons-in-the-air">Prisons in the Air</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}problem-solving">Problem Solving</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}puppet-on-a-string">Puppet On A String</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}take-the-day-off">Take The Day Off</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}take-your-medicine">Take Your Medicine</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}teach-me-how-to-smoke">Teach Me How To Smoke</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-addict-s-mind">The Addict's Mind</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-agony-and-the-agony">The Agony And The Agony</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-argument">The Argument</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-balloon">The Balloon</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-bully">The Bully</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-challenger">The Challenger</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-counting-game">The Counting Game</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-enemy-within">The Enemy Within</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-faraway-tree">The Faraway Tree</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-friend">The Friend</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-great-leveller">The Great Leveller</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-hoverer">The Hoverer</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-interview">The Interview</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-machine">The Machine</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-meadow">The Meadow</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-poker-game">The Poker Game</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-response">The Response</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-safe-path">The Safe Path</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-smoking-trap">The Smoking Trap</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-spell">The Spell</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-sword">The Sword</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-tyrant">The Tyrant</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-voice">The Voice</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}the-worstest-one">The Worstest One</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}there-s-nothing-wrong-with-that">There's Nothing Wrong With That</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}this-is-a-test-only">This Is A Test Only</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}thoughts-for-sale">Thoughts For Sale</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}too-good-to-be-true">Too Good To Be True</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}torture-chamber">Torture Chamber</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}two-for-the-price-of-one">Two For The Price Of One</a></li>rn</ul>
string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<ul>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}urgent-delivery">Urgent Delivery</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}valued-victims">Valued Victims</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}view-from-mars">View From Mars</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}virtual-reality">Virtual Reality</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}we-are-the-tobacco-companies">We Are The Tobacco Companies</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}we-don-t-care">We Don't Care</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}we-like-to-help">We Like To Help</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}we-like-to-give-children-a-choice">We Like To Give Children A Choice</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}we-sell">We Sell</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}what-a-rebel-not">What A Rebel.....NOT</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}what-is-it">What Is It?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}what-part">What Part?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}which-voice">Which Voice?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}who-am-i">Who Am I?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}who-are-they">Who Are They?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}who-is-the-master">Who Is The Master?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}who-s-the-clever-one">Who's The Clever One?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}why-are-you-running">Why Are You Running?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}why-don-t-they">Why Don't They?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}why-go-back">Why Go Back?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}why-wait">Why Wait?</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}window-of-opportunity">Window Of Opportunity</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}wrong-answer">Wrong Answer!</a></li>rnrn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}yes-master">Yes Master</a></li>rn<li><a target="_self" href="{global_content name='parturl'}you-don-t-know-what-it-s-like">You Don't Know What It's Like</a></li>rn</ul>
Yes Master
The Eyebrow Episode
The Eyebrow Episode<span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font face="Arial">Deborah was a little girl Who didn’t have a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead No she had a monobrow When people saw it, they went wow! And secretly they thought it very horrid
Her sisters mocked, her sisters jeered Until eventually, to escape their sneers She asked her mum to begin to pluck The hairs which to her forehead hugged
Her ma began this mammoth chore She plucked and pulled until she wore Herself completely out and feeling drained Had barely the energy to explain
That the second brow would have to wait She was all plucked out, it was getting late Deborah begged and Deborah pleaded Two eyebrows plucked was what she needed
But all in vain, she went to school next day Her strange looking forehead on display The children mocked, the children jeered Ran off in fright whenever she neared
When was that second eyebrow plucked? So that Deborah no longer looked a schmuck How much longer did folk avert their gaze I’ve been told the answer: it was days
rn<h3 align="center"><em><font face="Verdana">Alessandra Liverani</font></em></h3>rn<p align="center"> </p>rn <strong><font color="#3366ff">How does a person come to believe that they cannot function without the aid of poisonous fumes?</font></strong></p>rn<p><strong><font color="#3366ff">Is it possible to be incredibly frightened of something of which there is nothing to be afraid? </font></strong></p>rn<p><strong><font color="#3366ff">Can humour help us overcome our fears?</font></strong></p>rn<p><strong><font color="#3366ff">Is answering questions a more effective method than being told facts?</font></strong></p>rn<p><font color="#000080">I read Allen Carr's book "Easy Way To Stop Smoking" and he says addiction is not a fear of doing something, such as swimming, but is a fear of not doing something, such as smoking a cigarette. What is worse: the fear of doing something or the fear of not doing something? </font></p>rn<p><font color="#000080">I also read Frank Bettger’s book "How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling" and he says that rather than telling the customer all the wonderful things about a product, ask the customer questions so that the customer comes to their own conclusion on the value of the product. Can the same technique be used to turn smokers into the fresh air breathers that they once were?</font></p>rn<p><font color="#000080">You can subscribe for free and will then receive a question and a humorous poem via email daily. Simply press the "Free To Subscribe" button on the menu and you will discover that becoming a fresh air breather can be a very enjoyable, rewarding experience.</font></p>
The Auditors Are Coming!The auditors are coming, a week from today Everything that you can, please put it away Those things on the shelf that have sat there for months Put them away, we’re playing hide and hunt
The auditors are coming, they’ve boxes to tick Don’t leave anything lying around on which they can pick Those innocent looking tapes, what secrets do they hold Only the whole financial record of the company’s gold!
The auditors are coming, for audit type 7799 Are we compliant with all of the guidelines Are we in accordance with every one of the regulations So all boxes can be ticked, and we can have celebrations!
The auditors are coming, they’re coming today Quick, hide that cable, put it out of the way The auditors are coming, they’re right at the door Just shove the lot of it under the floor
Are Brainwashers Brainwashed? string', 'content_en', '', '', '', '<p/>Are brainwashers themselves brainwashed?<br/>rnHave their brains also been squashed? <br/>rnHave they been indoctrinated<br/>rnTo spew out brainwashing most hated?<br/>rn<br/>rnHave they soaked up false reasons<br/>rnTo commit on their fellow man ungodly treason<br/>rnHorrific lies they see as creative truth<br/>rnTargeting our naïve and vulnerable youth<br/>rn<br/>rnYes, they are brainwashed indeed<br/>rnWhile brainwashed their hearts will never bleed<br/>rnBrainwashing has stultified their very soul<br/>rnNow to brainwash others is their deadly goal<br/>rn
Uuuiiie uuuiiie – that’s not fair How can I display my fabulous flair So you think ywkqzjx is better Believe me, this is not a good string of letters
A few consonants and vowels is all I ask So that I am not given such an impossible task uuuiiie – what kind of joke is this? This game is not one that I’ll reminisce
There’s nowhere to go, the board’s all blocked Into Scrabble hell we’ve all been locked There’s Double Words galore way over there But we’ve got all tightened up in this little square
Covering two triple word boxes all in one go Now that's what I call putting on a show But what’s with this uuuiiie I’d rather be falling over and skinning my knee
Put It In The Bad Poem Section I’ve been told to write a really bad poem It goes against the grain but sometimes you gotta show ‘em That you can write the baddest, the baddest of bad In the bad poem section, you’ve got something to add
Now normally my poems perfectly rhyme and flow They dance and they sing, a line would never end in apropos They’re deep, so very deep that their bottom has never been found In the deep and meaningful section is where they’re usually crowned
But just for a laugh, just for something different to do I thought I’d write a poem which would get the kind of review That you wouldn’t wipe your bum with, for fear of being contaminated Write one for which the reviewers had only vitriolic hatred
So this is my offering to put in the bad poem section I hope it gets added to many bad poem collections But I’d like it to be known, I make this statement bold That all my other poems are sheer solid gold!
Items On My DeskDo you want to know the items that sit on my desk You do? Well I'll list them and then give you a test A pair of sunglasses, scissors, a cup and a phone Some papers scattered over and a pen resting alone
Deep stuff this is, of which poems can be crafted This precious information should not be merely shafted The phone displays the words "Hold", "Goodbye" and "Mute" The apple's already eaten, so I can't mention any fruit
On my desk is a rectangle of light provided by the sun It's shape changes over time as it makes its daily run Unfortunately the plant is only just surviving I'd be lying if I said that it was green and thriving
A stick of glue sits there, used only once many weeks ago Who knows, one day its importance will once again grow A ruler, a phone book and an ancient tape recorder Ensure that this desk does not look in perfect order
Well there you have it, the items on my desk I haven't mentioned everything, I'll let you guess the rest The spare RSI preventing mouse, a few little balls of fluff Of course you knew them, because they're typical desk stuff
Buying Lunch rn"I might go out for some lunch," was the thought in Bill's head<br/>rnI'll ask if anyone wants a meat pattie on bread<br/>rnLucy in accounts asked if he'd kindly buy<br/>rnA cheeseburger, large coke and small packet of fries<br/>rn<br/>rnHe strode up to the counter to order this meal<br/>rnBut was confronted with a question which made his head reel<br/>rn"Do you have a senior citizen's card?" was the young girl's question<br/>rn"No, I don't", he responded feeling dejection<br/>rn<br/>rnThe manager, half grown herself, a problem she perceived<br/>rnThe customer of his embarrassment she wanted to relieve<br/>rnSo she stage whispered loudly and clearly<br/>rn"Don't ask them if they have a card, the poor dearies<br/>rn<br/>rnThey don't like it if you ask them, even if their hair's grey<br/>rnIt's better not to ask, 'cos you'll only turn them away<br/>rnThey may look ancient, moth-eaten and fossilised<br/>rnBut don't ask 'cos you'll only see the hurt in their eyes"<br/>rn<br/>rnBill related this story to a friend of middling years<br/>rnWhich only served to give her an additional fear<br/>rnIf served by a young boy, she wouldn’t feel flattered<br/>rnIf the burger was 10% off, in fact she’d be shattered<br/>rn
Just Rollin' Along Driving along in her bread truck early one morn With everything going exactly as norm Margaret spied a lone wheel on the left trundling ahead Turned to her brother, the newspaper he read
Hey look at this, someone must've lost a wheel Jack looked up quickly, it almost didn't seem real Suddenly her truck swerved sharply to the right She grabbed hold of the steering with all of her might
Uh-oh, it's our wheel, she suddenly realized Then saw a cyclist cycling towards her, very surprised At the sight of a lone wheel and a truck bearing down He quickly decided to turn his bike around
Margaret had problems of her own on which to ponder The truck had veered off the road into the thick bush yonder Jack's newspaper had slipped from right out of his hands The news of the day abruptly seemed old and bland
Luckily the truck stopped a paper's breadth from a huge tree Although Margaret's fingers from the wheel she couldn't prise free But she had to recover quickly for a replacement truck soon arrived And she and her brother continued on with their drive
Fifteen years later Margaret was once again driving The day after her husband had fixed up her brakes' lining When the familiar image of a lone wheel up ahead she sighted So she quickly prepared to keep her car righted
While keeping an eye on her adventuresome wheel Which crossed three lanes of traffic and homed into an automobile Dealership at the top of a very steep drive It spun around and settled, safe and alive
Margaret herself, followed the same track Of her errant wheel, in order to bring it back After she returned, a man kindly stopped his car to say That her wheel nuts had fallen off about 50 metres away
So she walked back to retrieve them, then reattached the wheel She didn't see the need to make it a big deal But when she got home, there was plenty to say To her husband, who had enlivened her day
Oh no he protested, I turned those nuts tight A thief must have come in the middle of the night To steal the wheel but been disturbed in the process You know I'd always do the job properly my princess
Hey, What's Your Problem We sell a product that kills people Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product which addicts people Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product which produces millions of butts Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product that stinks Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product that stops people breathing Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product that has no benefits Hey, what’s your problem? We sell a product which burns people to death Hey, what’s your problem?
First Job"I’ll drive you to the shopping centre", Sandy’s grandma offered Sandy gladly accepted the proposition her gran proffered "I’ll just wait in the car", said gran, "while you go in and inquire About a job in those shops, surely someone will hire"
Nervously Sandy entered the big supermarket and walked through Until a wooden shutter labelled "Office" came into view Tentatively she knocked and up it was raised Revealing a lady who looked in the midst of her menstrual phase
"Excuse me but I was wondering if you had any positions" "No we don’t." Down came the shutter, end of her mission. Reluctantly she tried the smaller shops without any success And returned to her gran in the car, rather distressed
"I didn’t get a job", she sadly explained, feeling low "Well I got you an interview at the supermarket", her gran crowed "But I knocked on the shutter and told no jobs, by a lady quite cross" "Oh I walked straight past that and searched for the boss
And chatted to him about Bob, my son, your uncle, who delivered bread To this supermarket, daily", was what her gran said And it was obvious that her grandmother was a real pro Because she knew that sometimes it was all about who you know
Am I A Spoodle I'd Like To Teach The World To Smoke I'd like to build the world an addiction And furnish it with pain<br /> rnGrow tobacco leaves and more tobacco leaves, people's got smoking on the brain<br /> rnI'd like to teach the world to smoke In perfect harmony<br /> rnAnd grasp it slowly round the neck, laughing as it choked
I'd like to see the world for once<br /> rnAll addicts a gasping, choking mix And hear them echo through the hills Oh, where's my latest fix
(That's the song I hear)<br /> rnI'd like to teach the world to smoke (that the world sings today)<br /> rnIn perfect harmony<br /> I'd like to teach the world to smoke<br /> rnIn perfect harmony<br /> I'd like to build the world an addiction And furnish it with pain<br /> rnGrow tobacco leaves and more tobacco leaves, people's got smoking on the brain<br /> rnI'd like to teach the world to smoke (that the world sings today)<br /> rnIn perfect harmony<br /> rnI'd like to strangle it in my arms and make my company money (That's the song I hear)<br /> rnI'd like to see the world for once<br /> rnAll addicts a gasping, choking mix And hear them echo through the hills Oh, where's my latest fix
Am I A Spoodle Am I a cockapoo or one of those spoodles Either way, I've got oodles and oodles Of energy, I bounce off the walls Literally, I don't care if I fall
Am I a cockapoo or am I a spoodle Do I know how to make use of my noodle Maybe not, but I'm heaps of fun Turn me over and tickle my tum
Am I a spoodle or am I a cockapoo Wherever you're going, can I come along too I want to go outside and race all over the place Can I make you feel guilty by the look on my face
Am I a cockapoo or am I a spoodle Am I a female or have I got a doodle These are the questions, have you got the answer I don't know much, but I'm one very nimble dancer
The Sun Look up into the sky at night Shining from an enormous height Are stars galore, but not our sun It’s hidden when the day is done
Although so near it can’t be seen It can’t be felt, it has no gleam It’s gone away, will it reappear Oh yes it will as dawn draws near
Slowly but surely the sun will rise It always comes, it’s no surprise In early morning it’s just awoken Barely a few words has it spoken
By noon it’s shouting with such power It’s got lots to say from its celestial bower By late afternoon its tone has muted Its strength could definitely be disputed
At sunset it gives one final show Of reds and yellows, a glorious glow Then completely disappears from view So that nighttime can commence anew
Wrong Answer! I need a cigarette because I haven’t smoked one for two whole hours. Wrong answer! I need a cigarette because I believe I need a cigarette. Correct.
I need a cigarette because I had a very stressful day at work. Wrong answer! I need a cigarette because I believe I need a cigarette. Correct.
I need a cigarette because I had a big argument with my spouse. Wrong answer! I need a cigarette because I believe I need a cigarette. Correct.
I need a cigarette because I was born a smoker. Wrong answer! I need a cigarette because I believe I need a cigarette. Correct.
I will no longer need a cigarette when my life becomes less stressful. Wrong answer! I will no longer need a cigarette when I believe I no longer need a cigarette. Correct.
I will no longer need a cigarette when my life becomes easier. Wrong answer! I will no longer need a cigarette when I believe I no longer need a cigarette. Correct.
When you give the correct answer, you solve the problem.
Amphibious Amphibian I'm an amphibious amphibian Breathing and drinking through my skin Shedding it on a regular basis Always staying near my favourite oasis
My nostrils and mouth I shut tight And squeeze my lungs so that I might Blow up my sac and join in the choir Some of us sing low, some of us sing higher
The colour of my skin can match my surrounds So that you won't even know I'm around Sometimes I'm brown and sometimes I'm green Camouflaged so well that I can't be seen
My Name? The Rainbow Lorikeet Of Course There’s no such thing as a nice shade of brown I don’t want a pastel or grey coloured crown Purple, that’s more like it, and not in tones muted Vivid orange and yellow is to what I’m much better suited
“Less is more!†What feather brain uttered those words? A sparrow or wren, those dull, drab speckled birds I’m bright and I’m bold, decked out in every hue Watch me, in Technicolor, it’s a spectacular view
Glimpse a flash of my feathers and you’ll gasp in amazement Get used to it, pick your jaw off the pavement I represent resplendently the entire colour spectrum Take a photo, why not? The charge, there is none.
Can You Sell This Can You Sell This? We'll start you off on an easy task Selling fresh air and freedom is all that I ask You could use words like crisp and invigorating Uplifting, refreshing, rewarding, rejuvenating
Hmmm, I don't think it's as easy as you say Moreover, would you give me a big fat pay If all I sold was freedom and fresh air Releasing burdens, worries and a life of care
If I sold noxious fumes and slavery, I could get rich I'd have to lie a little, a completely phony pitch But who cares, I'd never get caught My soul is one that is easily bought
Go ahead and tell all your lies One day you'll wake up to a nasty surprise Bringing misery and despair into this world Into its depths you also were hurled
It's A Drug It's a drug My goodness, is it really? Yes, it is. Wow, I'm impressed. It's got magical powers Has it really? What can it do? It can turn you into a complete slave. Really, how does it do that? Well it's a drug. Really, it's a drug. Yes it is. And it's got magical powers It's very, very powerful It's incredibly powerful It has so much power You wouldn't even believe all the power that it has Try to imagine how much power this drug has Can you imagine it? I'm trying to. It has turned people into absolute slaves How does it do that? Because it's a drug. Oh I see, it's a drug Wow, that's impressive. It's a drug Yes, and drugs have lots of power Once you start taking a drug you have to keep taking it For how long? Forever Why? Because it's a drug. Drugs have lots of power Wow do they? Yes, lots and lots of power and once you start taking a drug you must continue Why is that again? Because it's a drug. It's very, very powerful What if you don't believe in the power of the drug? Then it has no power.
Snigger Is The Trigger See someone smokin’, you can frown That ain’t gonna get it on down See someone smokin’, you can scold Doesn’t work, so I been told
See someone smokin’, you can ignore Although you know it’s one hell of a bore See someone smokin’, you can fret Hasn’t helped anyone I’ve ever met yet
But see someone smokin’, you can snigger And I figger you’ll never find a bigger trigger So let’s get sniggering and work as one Chuckling and a’ chortling we’ll get this job done
The Weather ReportIn Sydney today it's 20 degrees centigrade Humidity is 94% and the light at 6:21pm will fade Wind blows from the north east, at 17 kilometres per hour The moon is waxing gibbous and Monday there's a late shower
On Saturday it'll be mostly sunny, temperature 17 degrees max Thursday, UV's only moderate, these are the facts Air pressure is 1012 hpascals, no longer measured in millibars They use hectos instead of kilos, yes I also thought it quite bizarre
On Sunday there'll be morning clouds, which won't linger in afternoon They'll drift over to Honiara, maybe take part in a monsoon Waves will arrive every 7 seconds, be careful, they're head-height And on Friday, 05:53am is the exact time of first light
Well that's all of the weather captured in verse You'll have to weather it whether for better or worse
Bronwyn's Birthday It's Bronwyn's birthday today, her age has upped a notch That's OK as long as on her wrinkles you don't keep watch The spider veins, liver spots, grey hairs poking through Signs that on this earth, Bronwyn is not so new
She's been around a bit, done childhood and all that stuff Now she's not exactly old and I wouldn't say her meat is tough She could probably still dance all night if that would take her fancy But she doesn't, because her hip and knee, well they are a little chancy
Still cook a delicious meal, she can, and wash up all the dishes Although I'm not so sure that it's one of her greatest wishes Sat up cosy reading a great book, now we're getting closer So I just hope that the rest of her life, she makes the very most'er
They Said He Was Really, Really DumbHe was just a fluffy white dog, well more accurately grey He'd jump and he'd run, he knew how to play Sometimes he barked persistently in the middle of the night Like I said, his owners didn't think he was too bright
Monty would sit looking up, while a raging torrent of words Flowed past him, for all we knew, he thought them completely absurd But amidst all the cacophony, a single utterance caught his attention He suddenly looked bright and alert, full of comprehension
The word "walk" was dropped ever so briefly and offhandedly But Monty responded immediately and completely understandingly "Walk" meant loads of fun, meant sniffing around Seeing nature in its glory, scampering over new ground Meeting old pals and stretching his limbs Twisting and turning at any old whim
Words like tobacco, alcohol and ecstasy had no meaning to him These words were easily lost in the general din They didn't signify excitement or having bucket loads of fun Sometimes I wish people had his kind of dumb!
Gallbladder Removal The doctor advised Leigh’s gallbladder must be removed A few simple snips and his health would be improved She told him to sign up for a Cholecystectomy, Laparoscopic Four incisions are sliced for surgery microscopic
First they’d inflate his abdominal cavity with CO2 Then they’d get out their telescopes for a fantastic view Of his gallbladder, bile duct, cystic duct and liver Cut free his gallbladder and through an incision deliver
This organ, already emptied of its painful stones So we’d be hearing less of Leigh’s whimpering moans We wish him good luck, they say the risk is very low We’ll see his smiling face soon with a healthier glow
On A Railway Platform Ascending the stairs, I could tell<br/>rnSomeone was smoking, by the unmistakeable smell<br/>rnPolitely I told her that this was not allowed<br/>rnShe surveyed me through the noxious cloud<br/>rn<br/>rnTrains give off fumes, so why can't I<br/>rn'Is that your logic? ' I responded to her gritty try<br/>rnWhat can you do, can you give me a ticket?<br/>rn'No I can't'. She thought she had taken my wicket<br/>rn<br/>rn'Oh you're desperate', she jeered, relishing an easy win<br/>rnBut then my response put her head into a spin<br/>rn'You pay money in order to inhale noxious smoke'<br/>rn'And you're calling me desperate', were the words I spoke<br/>rn<br/>rnA few seconds ago she'd seemed so tough<br/>rnNow she couldn't stub it out quickly enough<br/>rnMaybe this brief comment had cleared her head<br/>rnAnd she'd decided to breathe in fresh air instead<br/>rn
Spammed!I sincerely hope that this letter will not come to you as a surprise<br/>rnOr embarrassment, since upon each other we have never laid eyes<br/>rnI am deeply sorry if I have in any manner disturbed your privacy<br/>rnLet me introduce myself, I am Dr Christopher F. S. McGee<br/>rn<br/>rnI was into currency exchange business, a British national from the UK<br/>rnI have been diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer and it won't go away<br/>rnAccording to the docs, now I have only a few months to live<br/>rnI didn't lead my life well, never wanted to give<br/>rn<br/>rnBut now God has called me, did I mention I was stupendously rich<br/>rnAnd giving away all my money has become a real bitch<br/>rnI gave some to my family to pass it on to those in need<br/>rnBut they kept it all to themselves in a show of unmitigated greed<br/>rn<br/>rnI have two millions dollars ($2,000,000.00) with a financial institution abroad<br/>rnI'd like you to help me give it to charity, choose any of your own accord<br/>rnI shall communicate with you, and of the transfer give further detail<br/>rnWhatever your decision, I thank you for taking the time to read this email<br/>
The Meadow Fragrant with clover, flowers colour splashing Vivid and vibrant, although never clashing Undulating gently, a stream has been added And the meadow’s surface with lush grass has been padded
At the end of the meadow is an orchard replete With crisp apples, juicy peaches, cherries so sweet You want to partake in this bountiful feast But you’re very frightened of a brutal and fearsome beast
Which you believe stalks this meadow, always prowling You’ve never seen it, but clearly imagine it scowling So you’ve never enjoyed taking a walk by the stream And picking the choicest fruit, you could only dream
Until one day you realise this beast doesn’t exist And you realise on all of the fruit that you’ve missed Then you’ll walk through this meadow enjoying every stride And pick out the juiciest fruit, eating it with pride
We Like To Give Children A Choicerninspired by the challenging "This World: Duncan Bannatyne Takes on Tobacco"rnrn There's not enough choices, we think there's a gap So we'd like to offer the choice of breathing in crap We won't quite put it like that, to the young in our fold We'll spin it and turn it, make them think they're so bold
There's just not enough choice for the young at this time Sure there's tennis and swimming and mountains to climb There's bike riding, karate, dancing - jazz and tap But we feel there should be the choice of breathing in crap
That's what's missing in the world, from Mullumbimby to Mozambique And we think that we have a choice which is rather unique It's a choice you'll regret taking, and soon realise is no fun In fact you'll quickly discover that this choice is dumb
But then it's too late, ha ha you are trapped By this choice we generously offer of breathing in crap You're a poor child in Africa, like we care All you mean to us is that you'll make us millionaires
We Didn't! They've been to the moon and back six times, no less Got dropped off and picked up, I was impressed For many years, I never questioned this outstanding feat Didn't even know others thought there had been a deceit
But recently I started reading what the sceptics had to say I pondered, I wondered, had we really been betrayed The flag fluttering in the breeze, footprints etched in dry dust Shadows at all angles, could it be explained without fuss
"Mythblusters" attempted to convince us on TV Except on television, again, there may be tricks you can't see Prove it on television, come on, it’s got to be done live With investigators checking and watching that nothing’s been contrived
It was claimed the fluttering flag was under centripetal force And they even proved it (on television), I laughed myself hoarse The footprint: that was explained using magical dust How this powder was made, well, we were just asked to trust
Will Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin go to their grave With the truth still locked inside, or could they be so brave To become honest men and let everyone hear That they never landed on our neighbouring sphere
Dragged BackCigarette? Oh sorry are you trying to quit I didn't want to drag you back, not that I'll admit No, I'm quite happy being in this awful trap alone I'd much rather you didn't accept it, it'll sink you like a stone
But you've weakened, I see that you really want this stick I normally never offer them to you, but I felt obliged to proffer it I didn't want you to escape and get away scot free I'd rather you were stuck here, stuck right here with me<br><br><hr>
Everybody Loses I've only just realised, for a while my brain was stumped In fact it took so long I'm feeling quite a chump That those who benefit most from cigarettes disappearing from our shelves Are tobacco company employees, yes their very own selves
But how could this be, you're not making any sense Let me explain it to you, here is my defence The proportion of smokers within the tobacco conglomeration Is higher than the proportion within the general population
Pavlov's DogPavlov was a psychologist, I think Who supplied his dogs with food and drink But always preceded the giving of the victuals By ringing a bell, that was his ritual
The dogs became conditioned and would begin salivating Upon hearing the bell, which to the food they were relating Their mind was programmed by this little tinkle Though they didn't realise it, they had no inkle
The noise of a bell, though it didn't taste or smell like food Got these dogs in a very hungry mood Just like smokers are conditioned to relax and unwind By inhaling noxious fumes which only confuse their mind
More Torture, Why Not? Smoke, withdrawal, smoke, withdrawal, you know the drill There never really was any kind of thrill Just a slow insidious torture that took over your life Took from you the ability to thrive
You've suffered in silence, too afraid to speak out Wanted to escape, but your mind filled with doubt More torture for sure, escaping this curse Better staying in prison, freedom would only be worse
Freedom, no, not for the likes of you Only more punishment all your life through You've suffered for years and deserve only more True freedom, never, something you'll never score
I Grant You Permission I grant you permission to throw your fags away I grant you permission as from this hour, this day You're not convinced, you want it in writing That can be arranged, faster than lightning
Here is the document, signed by the proper authority It's dated and stamped, definitely no forgery Signed with a flourish by the highest power in the land Who might that be, why it's by your very own hand
The Balloon Imagine, if you will, a deflated balloon It has no significance, just a dried up prune But you decide to blow it up, expand its puny girth And you blow and blow your breath, for all of your worth
At first, the balloon is just of an average size But you continue onwards until right before your eyes This sphere of air consumes half of the room It pushes you off your chair and into the gloom
Yet you keep on blowing, you don't know how to stop You're being forced into the corner, behind a dirty mop Until eventually you're trapped beneath this monstrous ball You push it and you push it but it does no good at all
Now if only you had a pin with which to prick it That precious pin, you'd know just right where to stick it You could watch in sheer relief as the air whooshed from the room And this mutant globe once again became a dried up prune
Why Are You Running? Why are you running so far, so fast? What are you running from, may I ask? I don't know, it's just something I must do Those others are running, do you want to come too?
Why are you smoking so often, so deep Surely that smoke stings your eyes, makes you weep I don't know, it's just something I must do Those others are smoking, do you want to smoke too?
You're all running, all smoking, but you don't know why You just do it and do it, but it makes me cry Because I don't like to see people themselves kill When they don't know why but they do it still
You Don't Know What It's Like You've never smoked, so how could you know Exactly how a smoker's life goes Well If you tell me all about it, every single detail Then I'll know what it's like, how could I fail
So far you've mentioned the sheer sense of joy Each time you light up one of those boys But if there's more to add, no need for hesitating Don't keep me wondering, wondering and waiting
You keep telling me that I haven't got a clue Then you tell me it's so enjoyable, what am I to do Enter your world of complete confusion Or realise that smoking is a dastardly illusion
Cycles Addiction is a cycle which goes round and round and round It starts off making you miserable, then when you are lying on the ground Oh, it shows a little compassion and lifts you up a short while Only to return you back to the depths, but it has so much guile
That you only think it picks you up, only plays the good guy It would never toss you down, only lifts you way up high Something else it is which brings you down, crashing to the floor And if you knew exactly who, you would show them to the door
This cycle goes on forever, forever in your mind You're on a never ending treadmill with good and bad entwined The high does not come, without the low preceding It's a tricky situation, which is unmistakeably misleading
If you reason in your mind that you are better off Going round and round this cycle, surfing the crest and trough Then you will go round forever, forever in a spin And probably realise when it's way too late, much to your chagrin
Urgent Delivery Lady, could you please sign for this urgent delivery Hold it just a second, I have an important inquiry Exactly who is this parcel of nicotine for Don't just think that you can go rushing out that door
I'm not completely sure, all I know is it is urgent The truck's parked in a no-park, that's why I am impatient Could you wait while I find out who wants this smelly bundle Then I'll know just where I should take it on my trundle
Hello Mr Heart, did you by chance order some nicotine You must be joking, it makes me feel so unclean Mr Lungs, was it you who put in this order of top priority Certainly not, oh no, oh no, it never would have been me
Mrs Veins, did you make this imperative request Not me, I find nicotine so constrictive, it is something I detest But you could try Miss Bones, she who has her nose up in the air Lord only knows what she might order, ring her if you dare
Excuse me Miss Bones, but I wonder if I could trouble you with a question Did you perchance order some nicotine to help you with your digestion You silly fool, don't bother me with inquiries of such stupidity It's plainly obvious that nicotine will do nothing good for me
Mr Courier, I think there has been some kind of mistake Your package will only give these people some kind of ache Please leave immediately and take your parcel with you Your time of departure has become long overdue
Natural PhenomenaVolcano, power, respect it Earthquake, power, respect it Lightning, power, respect it Fire, power, respect it Flood, power, respect it Hurricane, power, respect it Addiction, power, respect it
Volcano kills, watch out Earthquake kills, watch out Lightning kills, watch out Fire kills, watch out Flood kills, watch out Hurricane kills, watch out Addiction kills, watch out
Optical Illusion Smokers standing in the street An illusion their minds cannot defeat Year after year, decade after decade This illusion never falters or fades
Like the high tide coming in, filling every cranny and nook Though it never recedes, it's permanently booked Swirling through every part of their mind Tightening, twisting, strengthening the bind
How sad to see someone controlled by an illusion Controlled by delusion and confusion Controlled by something which arrived out of thin air To stay forever, leaving only despair
Addiction Is Addiction Is Addiction Is Addiction Addiction is addiction is addiction is addiction 3 parts fantasy and 3 parts fiction Something which should be served a notice of eviction Because all that it is is a freeloading friction
It's a pariah parasitical A conning, conniving disease of level critical That turns people into puppets pitiful No longer complete individuals
I Wish I Could I wish I could, but I can't I wish I would, but I won't I can't do it, I don't believe That is something I could never achieve
I couldn't do that, no way Never, ever, the answer is nay I will fail, I just know Never succeed, it is just so
My mind does not compute success It has no room for the word "yes" "No" has moved into every room There are no vacancies in Hotel Doom
But wait a minute, maybe I can Maybe, just maybe I can conjure up a plan The failure program has just been superseded It's obsolete, outmoded, can be completely deleted
Rashohnull ArgumentLet's have an argument, just you and I I'll say what's bad about fags, you reply With all of the good things, that keep you so chained Be my guest, go ahead, and to me explain
As to why you are better off sucking on them You've got your reasons, at least about ten And when I mention something that isn't so good You'll respond very rashohnully, I knew that you would
The cost, the health damage, the sheer slavery They don't really count, you match them with glee With reasons, you've found them, in a maze of your construction It's much better to smoke, how's that for a deduction
I'm dumbstruck, I'm flabbergasted, I'm still sucking for air You've come up with a positive, how did you dare? For the most loathsome, most vile, most disgusting of all vice You've found something to say about them which is rather nice
Thoughts For Sale If you go to the shop and say I'd like to procure some thoughts for today And the shopkeeper says we have thoughts on sale That will make you weep and make you wail
Leave those thoughts sitting on the shelf And buy some other ones for yourself Thoughts that may concern simple pleasures Are beyond a priceless measure
There are countless thoughts in this shop for sale So why pick the ones that make you weep and wail? Rummage through those until you will always find Thoughts that are of the uplifting kind
Relentless Outfoxed, outsmarted, outplayed No sign of fightback displayed Complete submission has been given To the power of addiction, relentlessly driven
All your weapons surrendered with amazing ease At the slightest stir from your conqueror, you freeze Unable to provide more than the most feeble of whimpers The heavy shackles you put on have you somewhat hindered
You're beaten, you're whipped, you're done The chance of escaping is exactly none Your jailer walks past with dangling keys But you just can't get up off your knees
The Sword An imaginary sword, what good's that? Here, take it, I'd like to give it back It's nothing but a mere figment Has no shape or size or actual pigment
I want something whose dimensions are exact Not an airy fairy invisible axe I need an object solid and secure Not a whimsical idea of which I'm not completely sure
But aren't you up against an imaginary foe? Who gets you from up high and then gets you from down low This imaginary sword is the best you'll ever find Please add it to the armoury existing in your mind
Monsters Inc In the movie Monsters Inc, the monsters were scary Some were green, some unclean, some hairless, others hairy To scare little children was the task they performed And the terrified screams emitted into electricity transform
But these frightening monsters themselves, ironically Were petrified of little children something chronically Because they thought they'd die from a child's slightest touch Even if it was just the merest of an accidental brush
Though as it turned out it was all just a lie These monsters could safely touch children and never happen to die Now you may think what I'll say next is extremely annoying You may think that my logic is exasperatingly cloying
You may wish that I would keep all these thoughts inside my head You may think that this poem is better off unread But I would like to point out, at risk of raising your dander I'll just say it out now with my usual candour That the monster who is terrified of a tiny little popette Is just like a smoker who's frightened of not having a cigarette
The Faraway TreeDeep in an enchanted forest, there was a magic tree Inside its trunk was a slippery dip so you could slide down easily Atop its magic branches visited every day Different strange and mysterious lands, all from faraway
There was Topsy Turvy land, everything upside down Not So Happy Land, where everyone wore a frown The Land Of Do As You Please always was a treat Then there was the Land Of Clumsy Folk where everyone had two left feet
But the very strangest land of them all Was the one where from daybreak through to nightfall The folk in this land breathed from a stick Noxious fumes into their lungs which made them quite sick
In this land the folk shunned clean fresh air all around And if you climb the branches up from the ground Of the Faraway Tree and arrive in this land I suggest you slide down the slippery dip as fast as you can
Advertising Slogan 1<img alt="Cartoon is missing" src="http://www.escapesmoking.com/cartoon0100.gif" />
Fresh AirI am fresh air, I have no airs and graces I am fresh air, I'm in quite a lot of places I am fresh air, do you want to breathe me in Fill your lungs with me, it's no sin
Because lungs know what to do with air so fresh They absorb life giving oxygen through their biological mesh That's all lungs want, from morning to night Anything else gives them a big fright
Fresh air, so simple, so free and so pure Please don't scoff at me, your life I ensure I am something which is beyond compare I'm peerless, I'm unequalled, I am simply air
The Poker Game This was a game for the best of the best Those who had crumbled, they had all left Now at the table were four expert players You could count on all of them, they were the stayers
They felt confident, that they were in with a chance This game was their game, they knew the steps of this dance But then at the doorway appeared a spectacular sight They glanced up and received a terrible fright
For standing there in all of his glory Was the Ciggie-Wiggie bluffster, now that is a story This man was notorious throughout the land For winning every time with nothing in his hand
He'd sit there calmly with a blank look on his face And his opponent would start sweating, his heart would race He'd fidget and fuss, his hands would start shaking Even when he knew that the bluffster was faking
Because although he knew with his logical mind That a hand full of nothing was all that he'd find He'd fold every time, could not take the pressure Those blank eyes had spooked him, he did not have their measure
ComplicatedStopping smoking cigarettes has many complications Otherwise it'd be easy, there wouldn't be any frustrations You cannot simply stop buying them, putting them in your mouth For starters all the planets must align directly north to south
Before even thinking about starting this monumentous task There are many, many questions that you yourself must ask Will it rain tomorrow or perhaps the sun will shine too hot Maybe you could do it then but probably better not
Your train might run a few minutes late And then you'd be forced into an unplanned wait You may trip over your own two feet Infront of an audience in a busy street
I haven't even touched on all the endless possibilities Let's just put this thing on ice, a perpetual deep freeze All these complexities are fuddling up my brain Better not to stop at all, there really isn't any gain
I've Got It All Under Control I've got it all under control, I'm fine I don't need any thoughts from your mind It's very easy for me I will just stop in a day or three
Couldn't be simpler, nothing to it All you have to do is just stop doing it The shortest distance between here and there Is a straight line, not a convoluted square
And I'm not one for overcomplicating I've given this a zero in terms of a difficulty rating Though right at this very moment is not a good time But don't you worry, I'll be fine
The Worstest One The strongest, most powerful worstest fear of all Is the one where what you fear is actually nothing at all The fear that is generated out of thin air Is the one of which you must be the most beware
For if you don't know what it is, that leaves you trembling weak How can you overcome it, you don't know where it sleeps Your enemy is invisible, elusive and adept At not allowing you, to know where it is kept
You search in every corner, every nook and cranny But not a trace do you find, for it is far too canny You cannot get a single glimpse, but you certainly feel its power It has you where it wants you, in a perpetual cower
There must be a way of conquering this evil freak Of stopping it from causing all the havoc that it wreaks And if you are so lucky as to find out what it is Can you please, please tell me, you really are a whiz
How To Make A Mountain Out Of A Molehill First you must pick your molehill, now here's a tip The smaller the better, tinier than the tiniest microchip From this speck you can conjure mountainous masses Of soaring peaks dropping into bottomless crevasses
Slippery slopes, treacherous overhangs, avalanches Whipped up as quickly as fluffy blancmanges Glaciers forwardly creeping destroying as they go Even if they do it at a speed immeasurably slow
The mountain forged from the molehill, easily soldered Can the molehill from the mountain so easily be moulded? I don't think you can hack it down with an axe The best way I can think of is to just relax
The Safe PathYou are walking down a path smooth and wide Safe and stable, with pretty flowers growing at the side Yet you feel anxious, nervous and jumpy This path so smooth, for you feels bumpy
You want to leave this secure, peaceful grove And walk by the cliff's edge, where the strong wind blows Where the earth is slippery, treacherous and unstable Here you feel safe, strong and able
Yet this is where danger is all around Why not return to the path built on stable ground Let your anxiety flow away from you This path is very safe, feel its security flood through
My Lot In LifeI'm a smoker, you wouldn't comprehend It's my burden to carry, until the very end You don't understand why I have to do it all the time The problem is your lack of understanding, not mine
You can't see the urgency there You can't see the burden I bear Why do you fail its critical importance to grasp Why can't you see that it's something I cannot unclasp
What's wrong with how you think things through It's plainly obvious it's something I have to do I've tried to explain it to you as clearly as I can But no matter what I say, you just don't understand
Fix The BugThere's a bug that I need you to fix It's been around a while, played a few nasty tricks Can you please fix it when you get a chance Hopefully you'll find it with just a glance
I've read through the code and here on page eight I think its gone wrong with these lines that state If Anxious or Bored or Weary or Blue Then HaveACigaretteFlag = True
These two lines of code should be corrected And then they will be completely perfected If Anxious or Bored or ForAnyReasonWhatsoever Then HaveACigaretteFlag = Never
Caught In A Rip You're only ten metres from shore But it may as well be one hundred, or even more The current you didn't know existed Is taking you out with strength most twisted
You swim against it with all your might It does nothing to save you from your plight You're starting to panic and starting to tire The shore is receding, you're in straits most dire
But if you swim sideways out of this rip You'll give yourself a much more pleasant trip Don't tackle this monster in a head on way Sidle out sideways and you'll live another day
Addiction is a power I wouldn't lock horns with It'd beat me every time, with just a tail whisk So I'd go sideways, in crablike fashion And finally my head, I'd be able to stop bashin'
I Deserve A CigaretteI deserve a cigarette I deserve to breathe noxious fumes into my lungs I deserve to always crave a cigarette I deserve to feel anxious if I do not have one
I deserve to feel guilty and weak I deserve to push my guilt onto others I deserve to get emphysema and lung cancer I deserve to pay for cigarettes
I deserve to smell disgusting I deserve to live in fear I deserve to spend any spare moment breathing noxious fumes I deserve to think I am getting something out of it
Analyse ThisWhen you see someone drag on a cigarette, they appear to be feeling great pleasure You would like to get some of that too, you want enjoyment in the same measure But let's do a bit of psychoanalysis, how is this pleasure achieved? In a way you couldn't possibly have dreamt of it's a design elaborately weaved
When you first drag on a cigarette it's not something you will adore You're missing out on all the thrills you'll keep trying til you score You try and try and wonder why, the magic just doesn't come But then a new thought enters your mind, it starts as just a gentle hum
Nicotine's been in your body for some time although you've never had any fun But maybe, just like every other smoker you must continue, or you'll be done You start to think that once the poison's in it MUST be kept filled to the right elevation You start to worry if it's low, if it is you feel some trepidation
Now comes anxiety, fear and worry that you never had before You drag in deeply, they disappear briefly oh, the pleasure of being so sure That your nicotine levels, they're OK it gives you such satisfaction But as soon as they drop even a little bit you swing right back into action
You must light up no matter what nicotine is needed, that is clear What did you find in those cigarettes? It wasn't pleasure, it was fear
Appearances Are DeceptiveLook at those smokers how cool they appear They inhale so stylishly but don't you think that it's queer That what they're inhaling is ghastly and vile They don't seem to notice that it should be a trial
Why do they do it? Could it possibly be That they are addicted, they're not at all free But because they look so much in control They'll lure you in with them right into the fold
Please try to remember often things aren't as they seem They may look confident, part of a team They'll tell you they enjoy it it's one of their pleasures But that foul smelling stuff is not one of our treasures
You'll only enjoy it when you're under its spell And believe it or not it's like being in hell You don't believe me? Then you've swallowed the myth That smoking is glamorous. Get over it.
That's how people are captured year after year Their health and their wallets they will lose, I do fear Let's stop this senseless slaughter once and for all I ask you, I beg you into this trap please don't fall
Are You Crazy?Not have another cigarette, you surely must be jesting It is my sense of humour that you can only be testing You obviously don't realise that without them I cannot function I must have them before breakfast, after dinner and after luncheon
I must have them when I'm anxious and have them when relaxed I must have them when I'm on the phone and when I smell a rat I must have them when I concentrate and have them when I rest I must have them watching television and have them on a quest
I must have them in the daylight and have them when night falls I must have them when a short time passes or even no time passing at all I must have them when I see them or when they're out of sight I must have them first thing in the morning and the very last thing at night
I must have them when I'm talking and have them when I'm breathing I must have them when I'm walking and have them when I'm sneezing Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? I must have them
Before You StartMany smokers fail to quit before they've even started Because their frame of mind is such that they are all disheartened They're very good at thinking of every possible obstacle in the way And envisage clearly in their mind how long and tedious will be the day
Each minute will take hours, each hour will take years So much time at their disposal to ponder on all their fears How could they possibly stop smoking, they're beat before they start And yet, should it really be that difficult to have a change of heart
To not smoke any minute, any hour of the day Is so very, very easy if you look at it in a different way But the smoker's mind has fixed the meter at impossible, maybe higher And they'd probably say right to me that I was a downright liar
If I said it's simple, don't overcomplicate the matter Remove from your mind all that constant, busy chatter That constant, busy chatter which is rubbish, I'm being kind And not smoking is so simple, I'm sure that you will find
Big Tobacco's CreedThey got lips? We want them They got lungs? We'll destroy them They got money? We'll take it They got happiness? We'll crush it They got family? We'll kill them They got pride? We'll lose it They got hope? We'll remove it They got peace of mind? Not any more
BrainwashedCharles Manson was not the nicest of blokes He gathered around him some impressionable folk And brainwashed their minds with consummate skill And told them that there were people to kill
And these folk then went out and killed for their master They believed it was right, but it was a disaster For they were sent to prison to contemplate their crime And then realised they were brainwashed, after a time
Smokers, themselves only, are brainwashed to kill And they do this with the most consummate skill Smoking one after the other with dogged persistence One day I hope that they see clearly it's nonsense
BrandedI smoke Brand A, and only Brand A Because I'm sophisticated, parlez vous Francais I smoke Brand B, would not be seen with another Because I'm a knockabout bloke, do you understand me brother
I smoke Brand C, because I'm an intellectual Haven't been brainwashed by advertising, I'm sure it's very ineffectual Brand D is the packet I always procure It shows that I have my own special allure
I don't know if you've noticed, maybe you're blind That all of these brands are just one of a kind And if you smoke any at all, it means you've been branded As someone whose money to Big Tobacco will always be handed
Breakfast At Tiffany'sBreakfast At Tiffany's - a movie revered as a true classic Audrey Hepburn, the icon, with bearing aristocratic George Peppard, the actor, so suave and debonair So should I, would I, ever so much as dare
To point out the most seemingly insignificant of facts That Audrey Hepburn, under her most fashionable of hats Had stuck in her mouth an object most vile Most destructive, most evil, fills me with bile
And don't forget George, he should also be included Had one stuck in his mouth, the object to which I have alluded They both smoked fags, now was this just by chance Or somehow, in some way this movie to enhance
Or did the tobacco companies pay for this ad Was this infact, something evil, very bad You may not believe that this could possibly be true But watch carefully many movies and you'll see that that's exactly what they do
But It Makes Me Lots Of MoneyCigarette addiction kills people But it makes me lots of money It ruins their health But it makes me lots of money They cannot breathe properly But it makes me lots of money Their addiction causes them misery But it makes me lots of money A trillion cigarette butts pollute our earth daily But it makes me lots of money Cigarettes cause fires which burn many people to death But it makes me lots of money Parents buy cigarettes when their children need to eat But it makes me lots of money Cigarette smoke fills our bars and nightclubs, very unpleasant But it makes me lots of money Dirty ashtrays are disgusting But it makes me lots of money Why are you allowed to promote and sell such a disgusting product? Because I've got lots of money
CannibalsI'd never trek into the jungle It'd scare me out of my wits There are poisonous snakes and spiders And dangerous, entrapping pits
Where primitive people called cannibals Lurk in the shadowy depths Waiting for such a poor soul as me To fall into their evil net
Once I was caught good and proper They'd cook me up for tea Those primitive, uncivilised natives I don't want that kind of destiny
In our civilised world I feel quite safe I can't get caught in someone's net Except if you count that of the tobacco barons The ones who peddle those evil cigarettes
Caring For An AbsurdityAn absurdity, like most creatures, must be cared for It must be housed, clothed, fed, made to feel secure If not, this poor little thing will vanish into thin air And we're left with nothing but a single strand of hair
Smoking, dare I say it, is absurd It's the most absurd that I've ever heard I've travelled far and I've travelled wide I've travelled low and I've travelled high
And everywhere I turn my head I see an absurdity that's just been fed That's just been housed in a towering mansion On a property with lots of room for expansion
If you think this poem is absurd The most absurd that you've ever heard Then all I ask is that you turn your head And you'll see one that's just been fed
Cockroaches RuleDid you know that cockroaches are actually quite smart They realise we lay baits for them and have taken it to heart Those little scuttling things have hatched themselves a plan An ingenious way they've thought of, how they can get back at man
Cockroaches bankroll movies which are shown on the wide screen Where people smoke a poison, but their lips and teeth will gleam They'll be dressed in the most stunning gowns, glamour all the way But the movies never show them when those people start to pay
Cockroaches don't wrap their poison in a black, plastic case No, they use gold and silver and have developed many ways To make that poison so attractive, an enticing bait of pretty hue Next time you kill a cockroach, make sure it's not killing you
Comfort ZoneWe don't like leaving our comfort zone It is the place that we call home Outside it is a strange, strange place Where we don't recognise anyone's face
Your little nest is a charming abode Unless it's feathered with poisonous toads Then I'm afraid you'll have to venture forth You may have to go a little west of north
You're very reluctant to leave your armchair Always need much more time to prepare So you will have to be prodded and nudged Otherwise you will not be budged
After what seems like a long eternity You start off out on your exciting journey And eventually arrive at your new destination Finally coming to a wondrous realisation
That your new hangout is really groovy Even better than in the movies It's fresher, cheaper with its own little drawbridge And best of all you're no longer in bondage