I received a lovely e-card by email yesterday
It wished me Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year's Day
A delightful Christmassy image was generously included
A feeling of general bonhomie it effortlessly exuded
 
And then it told me that if I had received this email by mistake
To notify the originator before it got too late
It also said this message had been scanned for a computer virus
In words which I have to say had an element of dryness
 
Views expressed in this message were those of the individual sender
Except where the sender specifies with authoritative candour
That these are the views of the company (I won't mention the name)
That is, the views of both the sender and the company are the same
 
If I was the recipient but no longer wanted to receive these messages
I was told to click a link to no longer subscribe to these services
And if I had any questions on the unsubscribe facility
They gave me a contact of undisputed dependability
 
So I read my Christmas message from start through to the end
It was a Christmas message that contained an interesting blend
Of festive wishes coupled with company vernacular
To produce a Christmas card outstandingly spectacular!
 
And a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

The day was nigh approaching, coming sooner than I wished
When I would have to pay a visit to the local optometrist
No longer could I reason that it was the font size which was miniscule
I'd have to put on glasses and expose myself to ridicule 

She sat me on a chair and pressed a machine up to my eyes Then asked me to read letters which kept diminishing in size
We then moved onto dots placed in a circular formation
And she asked me to view them which I did with trepidation

First I had to view them through one lens and then the other
I had to compare their clarity, the sister from the brother
Many times, so many that I could barely even comprehend
Whose outline was less blurry, barely a second could I spend  

Finally she made her judgement on the parameters of my astigmatism
By weeks end, after paying a deposit, a new pair of glasses I'd be given
Proudly I picked them up in their brand new case with spiffy cloth
At last I could see my screen without my eyeballs falling off 
 
I put them on and peered through with an expectation of visual ease But instead it looked as if I had acquired an optical disease
Sure the letters looked slightly larger, a plus in anyone's book
But why did the screen now have such a strange trapezoidal look?